


Measures of Form and Void

by bensslideyfeet, gp_hypraeteia



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, For Ksco and eova, I actually don’t know what it’s like to be a detective I’m making all of this up, I’m sorry they swear so much, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Slow Burn, all aboard the pain train
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bensslideyfeet/pseuds/bensslideyfeet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gp_hypraeteia/pseuds/gp_hypraeteia
Summary: When Rey and Ben get assigned to investigate the wealthy founder of First Order manufacturing, the two slowly become embroiled in Snoke's web of political and social machinations built to hide his crimes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This fic deals with some dark themes. Nothing is described, but there is frequent mention of childhood sexual abuse and drug use. It’s as vague as humanly possible, but let it be known that it’s present.

Rey stares at the manila folder on her plastic-poorly-disguised-as-wood office desk. She can see the couple of pages of report peeking out from the corner, but she has no desire to read them. Her partner had described the general content of the files, which had made her stomach drop, in clipped tones filled with hatred and disgust. The delicacy of the folder makes her dread deepen; it means that there probably isn’t much evidence to work with. 

It means someone will probably get away with it. In this case, a very important someone will get away with it.

Sighing, she tears her gaze away from the folder and creaks out of her office chair, deciding to loiter by the department coffee machine and procrastinate. She knows with a growing, cold certainty that she can’t do much about the case. And she knows that will make her feel like shit - like she’s personally responsible.

Natural sunlight diffuses through through the office space in warm-toned beams as the sun begins its descent. The peace of the office set by the light fails to match her mood, which has grown dark.

Ben intercepts her before she could get to the Keurig. “It’s too late for coffee,“ he accuses.

“I was going to make tea,” Rey shoots back.

He ignores the reply. “Did you look at it yet?” His mole-speckled jaw works slightly, and his nostrils flare in a way that she has grown to know means he’s experiencing some strong, nameless emotion. 

She sighs again and mumbles “I can’t bring myself to do it. I-“ She stops herself. “I will do it, eventually. What do you want me to look for? Its four pages, Ben.”

“Five,” he corrects.

Rey just stares at him balefully. 

He acts unphased by her expression and grudgingly continues. “I want you to look at the mother. Dameron said when they came in she wouldn’t let the fuckin kid talk and mentioned a personal connection to Snoke. See if there’s anything in the transcript I missed about her connection and see if there’s anything online.” He pauses briefly, his eyes softening as he scans her pained expression. “Please? I just don’t think I can personally discover another hit in this case,” he murmurs, sounding mildly defeated. 

She nods. “Of course.” She manages a small smile, hoping her willingness to help him might ease his frustration. She resists the urge to give his arm a squeeze. 

Ben's face is rare to show relief or affection, but she thinks she finds it somewhere in the slope of his cheekbones and shaded eyes. 

“Have you found anything else about the Christoforou case?” She asks.

“Yeah,” he says straightening slightly. “I think the guy we arrested last week for possession has a step-brother who was arrested on methamphetamine production charges. He got out about three years ago. Could be related?” 

Rey nods, unsurprised. Their registration system yields information like this often. “Want to go poking around tomorrow?”

He seems relieved by the suggestion. Rey knows it’s because he’s been staring at paperwork and computer screens too long. Ben doesn’t like remaining stationary for prolonged periods of time.

“Yes,” he breathes, his relief now more evident. “Thank God.”

Rey just laughs. “I’ll text you if I find anything tonight. Meet you tomorrow? We could go get coffee before.” 

He nods absentmindedly, rolling his shoulders in a way that reminds Rey of athletes gearing up for a sprint. “Sure, I’ll find a place.” 

Rey reaches for her coat before crossing back to her desk to pick up the case folder, abandoning her quest for tea in favor of the comfort of her apartment and the bliss of Netflix. “Alright. I’m going to get the rest of my work done at home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Ben gives a goodbye from the chair he had sunk into. 

_A Memory: ___

Rey started at the department a year ago, fresh out of college and the required training programs. She has a background in coding and computer programing, which the department was desperately in need of at the time. Ben’s previous partner had abruptly moved out of state, leaving Rey to take up his spot. 

When the Chief had introduced them, Rey was struck by how imposing he was. She felt like he took up two-thirds of the room, likely a combination of his scowl, height, and an overuse of black clothing that reminded Rey of operatic villains. 

Ben had looked at her blankly for a few moments before his gaze moved to the Chief, where it turned into a glare. She felt rage brewing in her chest, assuming that Ben was angry over the Chief assigning him someone so new. It wasn’t like he was so experienced; he couldn’t be more than a couple years older than her, she thought. 

He had briefly grasped her outstretched hand before turning and settling at his desk to stare at his computer.

The Chief sighed, his blue eyes fluttering closed in exasperation. “You’ll get used to him.” He addressed Rey before leaving her alone in the wide, shared office space. One or two of her coworkers looked on sympathetically, all carefully giving him a wide berth.

Poe and Finn were her initial confidants in the office. They had shown her the filing cabinets, shared the necessary passwords, and introduced her to Connix and Pava. When she mentioned the odd exchange with her new partner, they just shook their heads. 

“The Chief is his uncle,” Finn said, like this explained everything. “Ben usually thinks anything he has a hand in is a personal attack. I have no idea how he’s construing this one but… he’ll warm up eventually.” 

Finn paused, considering what he just said. A shadow of doubt crossed his face for a moment. “Right?”

He had directed this at Poe, whose curl-laden head nodded reassuringly. Rey hoped he wasn’t lying for her sake.

“Anyways,” Finn continued, “If he doesn’t, you’ll have Poe and I to sort things out.” 

The two men gave her reassuring smiles, ones that she returned in kind. It felt nice to have people on your side, looking out for you in unfamiliar territory. Rey was slow to let people into her circle of friendship, a personality trait left over from the crushing disappointment of making friends and saying goodbye to them when she bounced from foster home to foster home. The companionship they were offering felt like balm on those old wounds.

They had invited her out for drinks that night with Rose, Finn’s girlfriend who did contract work with the department occasionally. Rey fit easily into the groups steady banter, despite the clear connection and shorthand the three had. 

Rey didn’t miss the warm glances between Finn and Rose, and the just-as-heated gaze Poe gave Finn when he wasn’t looking. 

At the office the next day, the Chief had assigned her and Ben’s first case together. Ben had looked mildly surprised, his already-pouty mouth pursed and turned down slightly. Perhaps he had not expected his uncle’s game to continue this far. 

She hoped he’d realize he was being an ass. She started to wonder if his old partner had run away. His intimidating appearance and clear attitude problem were certainly enough to make someone pack up their bags within the first hour.

But Rey was made of stronger stuff. 

Ben had taken the assignment folder silently and Rey followed him out. To her surprise, he asked her to take up some of the workload. She had expected him to be possessive of the case- a sure sign he didn’t trust her abilities.

“Do you care which subject you take?” 

It was the first thing he had ever said to her. The words were smooth and low.

He must have caught Rey’s surprised expression, and merely looked at her curiously. 

“No,” Rey replied, shaking her head. She ignored his look. “Which one is easier for you? I don’t have much of a busy schedule right now.” 

He pulled out several sheets from the folder, handing them quickly over to her. “Try to have something by the end of the week.” His tone was curt. 

Rey found him an address the next day, along with the profiles of several other potential conspirators. 

He looked up from his desk where she had tossed the relevant information, hair messy from where he had been tugging his fingers through it. 

“What’s this?” He rumbled. 

“We get to go out,” Rey replied.

He strummed his fingers on the desk considerately and stared. Rey felt like he was sizing her up. 

“That was fast.”

“I’m a fast worker. Don’t look so surprised,” she said, crossing her arms and trying to look intimidating.

She felt a small swell of triumph at the sheepish twist of his mouth. 

Instead of responding, he moved for his coat, the tightness in his frame relaxing slightly. He tilted his head in the direction of the door, indicating for her to follow. 

They walked to his car in silence, Rey falling slightly behind his long strides. The tension between them seemed to relax infinitesimally every step they took away from the department. By the time they climbed into his car, which was clean and dark and smelled like pine, Ben seemed like someone with a semblance of functioning social skills. 

Perhaps naively, this prompted Rey to dig a little. “So... how’d you get into detective work?” She forced the friendly inflection in her voice.

He glanced at her from the driver’s seat as he leaned forward slightly and started the car. 

“It’s a family thing,” he replied flatly, reaching his arm behind her and moving fractionally to twist his body as he backed out. Rey thought of what Poe and Finn had told her about Luke, but refrained from asking him to confirm it outright.

“Where’d you learn to code?” he asked after a moment.

“After-school program.” Rey shifting slightly in her seat. She had spent most of her after-school life at programs, pointedly avoiding going home to whatever foster parent she was assigned to.

Her motion drew his eyes over. She saw them do a quick scan of her body.

“Seat-belt,” he mumbled. 

She groaned. “You’re one of those?”

He let out a stifled laugh, which pleasantly surprised her. She liked the sound of it too, it reminded her of the smooth engine running at their feet. 

Maybe out of the office he wasn’t such an asshole. 

Ben fiddled with the radio, which she was not surprised to learn was tuned into a classical music station. His face was too aristocratic for him to be listening to anything else. Rey liked knowing this detail about him, the predictability of it reassuring in a way that made him seem more human. 

They were comfortably silent as the car pulled out of the garage.

“Why did you become a detective?” Ben asked, returning the question belatedly, but now seeming infinitely more personable and genuinely curious. 

Rey stalled with a ponderous hum, wondering what constituted oversharing. “I don’t know. I grew up in the foster system, so I was around government workers a lot. Usually my foster parents were doing some shady shit, so government was the more respectable career example. And I got to see how criminality worked.”

Ben was silent for a moment. Part of Rey hoped she had made him uncomfortable; he was so serious and impersonal, and she wanted more humanity. 

“And how does it work?” He replied, voice carefully detached. She suspects this is curated. Nothing about this man seems _easygoing. ___

____

She rested her head against the back of the seat, looking up at the car’s hood. “Usually people are just desperate. Truly evil people are rare.” 

____

The car was quiet for a moment, just the sound of soft violins floating through the awkwardness. “That’s an awfully unusual view for someone in law enforcement.” He turned the wheel slightly to merge onto the freeway, glancing over his shoulder. Rey noticed he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring as the music changed from an orchestral piece to a piano solo. 

____

She stayed silent.

____

“But I agree.”

____

“Two peas-in-a-pod then,” she murmured under her breath. 

____

If he heard it, he didn’t comment. 

____

They pulled up to the apartment as the sun was setting, the smog and smoldering sunlight plunging the city in a smoky, blazing haze of orange and pink. Rey took a deep breath, admiring the view from the fourth floor. There wasn’t an elevator and her breath was uneven. She could see someone had hung up their laundry on the roof of the adjacent building, and the bedsheets and t-shirts swayed slightly in the evening breeze. It looked like they were floating.

____

Ben walked past her position by the railing, moving to stand beside the door. Rey followed, delivering several sharp knocks. They waited while Rey stared at the chipping red paint of the door, her hair blowing around her face as a rapidly cooling wind traveled over the cinder blocks of the apartment complex. 

____

No one answered. 

____

She turned to Ben, leaning her back on the door. “Let’s come back tomorrow. If he still doesn’t answer we can try and get a warrant.” 

____

He nodded, giving a cursory glance to the covered windows framing the entryway before he started down the stairs, pausing briefly to make sure she was following. 

____

The silence between them had started to make her uneasy. She was used to cultivating distance in her relationships: foster parents, friends at school, coworkers. Even in college, she had held people at arms length, focusing on her schoolwork and dedicating her free time to working. But now, faced with her partner for an indeterminable number of years, she gawks at maintaining this same space.

____

“Are you from here?” She asked, hoping to reinstate the semi-friendly conversation. She felt a tremendous amount of pressure to get him to crack, to open up quickly.

____

“I’m not from Chicago- but I am from Illinois,” he replied. 

____

She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see her. It was _something _. “So you have family nearby?”__

______ _ _

At that, he actually stopped and turned, grasping the railing and looking up at her quizzically. She thought maybe she was being slightly pointed - but he really should have told her the Chief was his uncle himself instead of leaving it to his coworkers. 

______ _ _

“My mom is Senator Organa,” he mumbled instead, words sounding like he was admitting to some cosmic sufferance. Rey tried to not let the surprise show on her face.

______ _ _

He turned away from her, continuing back down the stairs. “Luke is her brother," he adds. 

______ _ _

Rey briefly wondered what it would be like to have a Senator as a mother. The videos of Leia Organa she had seen were always professional and polished, but she could easily imagine the warmth and familiarity she might have with her family. Ben was an odd addition to the image. 

______ _ _

“What’s that like?” Rey asked. When she realized how nosy and broad the question sounded, she hurried to elaborate. “Having your mom be a public figure, I mean.” 

______ _ _

She supposed it was still a little nosy. 

______ _ _

He let out a long, even breath. “It was lonely, mostly.” His voice was carefully even and he continued down the steps slowly.

______ _ _

He had used the past tense, but Rey suspected he still was. Rey wonders if her desire for closeness is due to their working situation, or rather something else - something sad and familiar about him that cries out to her own loneliness.

______ _ _

\--

______ _ _

When Rey went to meet Ben the next morning, he had chosen a coffee shop with diner-style detailing. It was in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood, and the design was about as quintessentially hipster as you could get. Rey wonders why he chose this coffee shop as she scans the black and white letterboard on the back wall. She was about to chalk it up to proximity before she realizes they have a more than adequate breakfast selection. 

______ _ _

She orders two coffees for her and Ben, along with egg and cheese sandwiches. The barista hands her the coffees and she moves aside to wait for their food. 

______ _ _

She was only waiting a few moments, but the coffee shop is slightly more crowded with twenty-something hipsters when Ben arrives. She tracks his dark head moving above the other customers until he reaches her side. A group of teenage girls moves between them and a nearby table, pushing them closer to the counter. Ben’s hand hovers near her the small of her back, trying to corale her out of their path without touching her. 

______ _ _

He takes the coffee she offers him with a mumbled thanks. 

______ _ _

“You didn’t get food? I chose this place so you couldn’t use the selection as an excuse to not eat the most important meal of the day.” He seems genuinely affronted, mouth turned down in a scowl. 

______ _ _

She laughs as she raises the order number wedged between her finger and her coffee cup. “I got us sandwiches.”

______ _ _

He flashes her a rare warm expression - which for Ben, is really just neutrality- as their order is called from the other end of the stainless steel bar. Ben shuffles awkwardly past her to grab the bag of food. 

______ _ _

He breathes a sigh of relief when he steps out onto the street. “Why are coffee shops always so fucking small?” He says under his breath.

______ _ _

Rey shoots a sidelong glance at him over her food. _The poor idiot must not realize he’s oversized. ___

______ _ _

“Aren’t you going to eat your food?” She asks.

______ _ _

“I’m saving it,” he replies, waving his hand in her direction in a gesture of dismissal. His brows are furrowed and his usually foreboding expression has returned.

______ _ _

He pulls out his phone from his coat pocket to enter the address Rey had given him the day before. When Rey sees him struggling to type one-handed, she reaches out and takes his cup. 

______ _ _

Ben starts walking down the street wordlessly, still studying his phone, narrowly avoiding where encroaching tree roots have upended the brick sidewalk.

______ _ _

Rey polishes off the sandwich after about a block. When she tosses the wrapper, Ben silently offers her the one in his hand. 

______ _ _

“What happened to the most important meal of the day?!”

______ _ _

Ben doesn’t look back, moving with singleminded determination. “I already ate.”

______ _ _

Rey sighs. She _is_ still hungry. She takes the food from him, grudgingly grateful for his foresight. 

______ _ _

“This is David Christoforou’s sister, right?” She asks around a mouthful of food.

______ _ _

Ben nods. “But I think we should focus on the the step-brother for now. Unless she seems willing to talk about David.”

______ _ _

Rey nods her agreement, breaking out into brief running strides to catch up with Ben’s gait. 

______ _ _

“Will you slow down? My coffee is going to spill.” 

______ _ _

Ben just glares at her. “We’re almost there.”

______ _ _

She manages to keep up with him until they reach the dilapidated light-blue house that Ben’s phone identifies as the destination. The trees on their small front lawn are entirely stripped of leaves. There are children’s bicycles strewn on the wrap-around porch and pink tassles wave silently from one of the handlebars in the slight breeze, a windchime tittering softly. 

______ _ _

Ben knocks loudly at the front door, shattering the peace of the porch. Rey inches closer to the peephole. She suspects someone will be more likely to open the door if they can see her by Ben’s side. 

______ _ _

A woman with dark hair pulled into a bun opens the door. She’s older than Rey expected, probably in her late thirties. Her face is gaunt and vaguely avian, but still beautiful. Rey can hear toddlers’ playful shrieking from inside.

______ _ _

“Can I help you?”

______ _ _

“Are you Sofia Benbow?” Rey asks. 

______ _ _

Sofia nods slightly. 

______ _ _

Rey pulls out her badge, pinching the top and letting it fall open for inspection. Ben, whose hands are considerably larger, cups his badge in his palm. 

______ _ _

“We’d like to ask you a couple questions about your step-brother, Samuel,” Ben adds.

______ _ _

Sofia opens the door for them - Rey slides in, quickly followed by Ben. There are toys strewn across the narrow hallway leading to the living room, where Rey spots a bouncy chair with plastic translucent shapes that she strongly suspects light up.

______ _ _

One of the toddlers starts to cry just beyond the cream colored walls of the hallway. 

______ _ _

Rey and Ben follow Sofia to the living room where she picks up the boy, gently bouncing him as he starts to quiet. He wearily watches Rey and Ben, his head resting on Sophia’s chest.

______ _ _

Ben looks incredibly uncomfortable, avoiding the plush stuffed animals and rubber toys on the floor like they’re contagious. 

______ _ _

“Both yours?” Rey addresses Sophia, looking at the little girl who is wandering from the blocks to the couch. 

______ _ _

“They’re my foster children,” Sophia replies. 

______ _ _

An outraged shriek floats down from the second floor, followed by the voice of a little girl accusing _Jordan pulled my hair! _from the stairway.__

______ _ _

Sofia moves in that direction, threatening punishment once the guests are gone if the kid named Jordan doesn’t leave Jessie’s hair alone. 

______ _ _

“What do you want to know?” Sofia asks after offering frazzled and unnecessary apologies, sitting on the sofa with the toddler still clutching her side.

______ _ _

Rey mirrors Sofia’s movement, sitting on the sofa opposite her on the far side of the room. Ben follows suit, settling next to Rey on a red frayed couch cushion. 

______ _ _

“How connected was Samuel with your side of the family?” Rey began, her demeanor a well-struck balance between authoritative and personable as she rested her forearms on her thighs and met Sofia’s gaze evenly.

______ _ _

Sofia shifts on the couch, hands beginning to pat the boy’s back. She glances toward the top of the stairs once before returning to meet Rey’s gaze. 

______ _ _

“My mother remarried Samuel’s father when I was fifteen. Samuel was eighteen at the time, so he only lived with us for a few months before he graduated. By that time David was already in college, so the three of us never interacted all that much.” Sofia responded. 

______ _ _

“What was your relationship with Samuel? Did he ever mention wanting to reach out to David before he was arrested?” Ben questions, eying the toddler on the floor now cooing and waving the blocks up and down jerkily. 

______ _ _

“No. No, David and I drifted apart after he left the city, and Samuel and I were never really close to begin with. The last time I saw Samuel was a few months before his arrest. He came here once, asking for money for an investment opportunity he couldn’t pass up.” Sofia stops, her face somewhere between sadness and regret. “When I told him I didn’t have any, he left.”

______ _ _

The room is silent for a moment, apart from the little girl’s gentle coos. The boy is still clinging to Sophia. Rey thinks it looks a little like he is now comforting her. 

______ _ _

“And what about David? When was the last time you were in contact with him?” 

______ _ _

“About a year ago. David called me at this address. He said he’d come back to Chicago for a bit because he’d lost his job in Jersey and thought he’d update me. He told me he’d been working in West Paterson as a bank teller, though I have no idea whether he was telling the truth.”

______ _ _

At this, Ben levels a meaningful glance at Rey, who nods in silent confirmation of his unspoken question. 

______ _ _

“And would David have had any motivation in telling you this?” Ben asks, staring at the notepad he had pulled out of his pocket while the toddler inches toward him, oblivious to her predatory crawl. She seems fascinated with his large, scuffed black shoes. Before Sofia could respond, the little girl grabs a fistful of Ben’s laces, bringing the tip of one to her mouth in childlike curiosity while simultaneously grabbing his pant leg with her small fist. 

______ _ _

“Eruhnm”, Rey coughs, choking down a laugh. Breaking out of his trance, Ben looks at her, then down at the small child smiling up at him, babbling nonsense words and seeming very pleased that she’d managed to trap something so fearsome. Startled, Ben blinks a few times and seems to consider the situation in front of him carefully. He awkwardly shifts his weight, tentatively edging his foot out to give the toddler more access to his feet, unsure of what more the girl could want. 

______ _ _

Rey hides a soft smile at Ben’s adjustment before Sofia answers his question with a shrug. 

______ _ _

“Only if he wanted somewhere to stay while he was in the city. But I never got a follow up call from him - I assumed he had found another place. That was the last I heard from him.” Sophia’s face looks closed off and slightly cold. 

______ _ _

At this, Rey decides they’d gathered all they could from this woman. Ben seems to agree, closing his notepad slightly and preparing to stand. By this time, the little girl has latched onto Ben’s leg completely, chubby hands gripping onto his right calf. When Rey stands up, Ben realizes his predicament and nervously pats the toddler’s head before trying to pry her small fingers away from his pant’s fabric. After a few unsuccessful attempts, he decides on picking the toddler up and distracting her with the toys she had abandoned in the corner.

______ _ _

“Thank you for your time, Ms. Benbow. If there’s anything else you remember from your recent conversations with David or Samuel, don’t hesitate to call.” Rey says while Ben lumbers over the various toys spilled out across the floor, trying his best not to knock anything over. After the door finally closes behind them, Ben exhales. 

______ _ _

“David had to have had some connection with Samuel when he worked in West Paterson, seeing that Samuel’s old production plant was so near the region he was working in. It can’t be coincidence that David was caught for possession after being so near his step-brother.”

______ _ _

Rey nods in agreement, pulling her coat tighter as a cold breeze hit the two of them. They walk down the hill back to the office, and Rey wonders if it would be faster to take the rail.

______ _ _

“If we can trace the time of David’s employment in Paterson to when Samuel was supposed to be selling in New Jersey, maybe we can link the story together. If we can prove Samuel sold to David it’d be clear he was in production again,” Rey adds. 

______ _ _

They grow silent for a bit. Rey remembers the girls’ voices she heard in the upstairs hall, and suddenly feels fragile and reflective. 

______ _ _

“Was that what it was like?” Ben asks. His voice is somber and quiet. For a moment Rey doesn’t know what he’s referring to. “Growing up in foster homes,” he finishes. 

______ _ _

Rey thinks about Sophia’s quiet love for the kids. Her eyes start to burn and her throat closes up. 

______ _ _

“No,” Rey manages, but her voice is too tight. Ben turns to her, looking slightly panicked and pale. 

______ _ _

“No,” she says again, this time more certain. “I didn’t have other kids in the home. And my foster parents weren’t really involved. It was lonely. I think… I’d never felt so alone.”

______ _ _

A moment passes as Rey struggles to blink back the tears that have welled in her eyes. She takes a shaky inhale. 

______ _ _

“You’re not alone,” Ben replies lowly. His face was full of emotion she can’t place: sadness, empathy, or longing. 

______ _ _

His words are more comforting than she expects. “Neither are you,” she replies, her voice considerately more stable and sure. She remembers his loneliness on their first outing together, when the sky had bled and the breeze had been warmer.

______ _ _


	2. Chapter 2

After visiting David Chistoforou’s sister, Rey and Ben had walked back to the office in companionable silence. Ben had suggested that Rey take the rest of the day off, but after the long walk back in the cold wind she felt itchy and productive. 

She now sat at her desk, sorting through public records and google searches for the name ‘Sarah Shan’. She had quickly discovered Shan had served on the executive board of First Order, the automobile manufacturing company Snoke had founded. A hit from an article in The Economist reported that she had stepped down from the position after considerable pressure from Snoke due to her proposal of an initiative to reduce carbon emissions within the next ten years. 

Rey curses softly to herself. This shit was _not _in the transcript, and it’d be rocket fuel for Snoke’s defense lawyer.__

____

She sends it to Ben, quickly walking over to his desk. He’s been dragged into a debate between Poe and Finn, standing over them while they bicker in their seats. 

____

“Poe, the last time we went to the gym I got in three hits!” Finn yells indignantly. 

____

“I was going easy on you…” Rey hears Poe grumble under his breath. “Plus, I got in at least as many,” he says, his voice rising.

____

“Solo, tell him,” Finn gestures at Ben, who is eyeing his computer longingly. 

____

Ben tears his gaze away. “The only way to know is to have another match,” he says, not taking sides. Rey suspects he counting on this challenge to end the argument. 

____

“You’re going to fight each other?” Rey asks, amused by their clichéd masculine showmanship. 

____

“Definitely,” Finn and Poe say at the same time. Poe looks sideways at Finn and then elaborates. “We’ve been trying to figure out the ranking of the whole office. Finn thinks he’s next after Solo, but I beg to differ.” 

____

Rey looks him up and down and puts her hands on her hips. “I don’t know, I think I could take you,” she says, quirking her mouth so he takes it as simultaneously harmless flirtation and a genuine challenge. “You too, Finn,” she says, beaming in his direction. 

____

Ben is clearly struggling to not choke on the coffee he had just swallowed. 

____

“You know how to fight?” Finn asks, looking like he’s considering taking her up.

____

“Boxing and Muay Thai,” Rey replies, matter of factly. 

____

Finn and Poe are suddenly taking her much more seriously. Finn eyes her, calculating. “What are you doing this weekend?”

____

“Wiping the floor with your ass,” she says, laughing. The phrase had bubbled out of her unwillingly. 

____

Ben smirks softly down at his drink. Poe and Finn perk at the new addition to their challenge, settling into the smacktalk of competition. 

____

“Solo, are you gonna be there to nurse her wounds after?” Poe says, simultaneous offering an invitation and sending a barb at Rey. 

____

“Knowing Rey, I’ll probably be nursing yours,” he says, not looking up from the floor. 

____

Poe laughs as he turns back to his desk. Ben is clearly relieved at this out, immediately walking back towards his own desk. Rey follows him. 

____

“I did some work on the Snoke case,” she says, leaning on the edge of the desktop. His desk is spartan compared to his coworkers, who nearly all have framed photographs and colorful office supplies. 

____

He raises his eyebrows up at her, leaning back in his chair. “And?”

____

“It’s a defense lawyer’s wet dream. The mom was on the executive board. Snoke forced her out,” Rey says in low tones.

____

She sees his jaw flexing under the spill of his hair as he closes his eyes. His knuckles are white on his armrests. 

____

“You okay?” She whispers quietly. “I know it’s hard when we can’t get as strong a case as we would like,” she continues sympathetically, leaning closer.

____

“Rey,” he mutters, his voice sounding strained. “I know this guy.”

____

Rey stills.

____

Ben continues, briefly glancing up at her before locking his gaze on the grain of his desk. “He’s big in campaign financing. He was always at my mom’s house parties and political events. Even as a kid I thought he was fucking _creepy _.”__

______ _ _

Rey feels slightly panicky. She doesn’t move her gaze from him as he takes a deep breath and continues. 

______ _ _

“I remember I said something about him to my mom once. I was young, I didn’t think much about him, but she seemed really concerned,” he purses his lips together, pausing briefly again. 

______ _ _

“She kept him away from me after that. She wouldn’t take a penny from him, not that he ever offered it. Nothing happened, but…” he glances back up at Rey, “I know there are other kids out there with stories.” 

______ _ _

Rey tightens her grip on the desk. _Nothing happened, nothing happened _, she thinks, steadying herself. She immediately feels guilty. Nothing had happened to Ben, but that was not the story of so many others. That wasn’t the story of Sarah’s kid.__

________ _ _ _ _

Rey feels a wave of strong emotions. She wants to comfort him somehow, but suspects whatever blend of sadness, anger, and frustration he feels would probably be best assuaged with action. She crouches down by his chair, keeping her hand on his desk for balance. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Okay,” she says. “We’ll try and see if anyone has come forward and if reports have been covered up. Maybe you can talk to your mom? She might have her suspicions?” 

________ _ _ _ _

He nods, looking slightly less like he’s about to hit something. His eyes look closed off from the world. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Ben,” she says, feeling slightly wary. “Are you sure we should be on this case? If Luke finds out about your connection to Snoke…” 

________ _ _ _ _

Ben stiffens. “He can pry this case off my dead body. I’m not handing it over.” He says it with all the conviction and certainty that Rey expected. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey nods. “Alright, let me know if you get any leads with Leia. I can comb through state records.”

________ _ _ _ _

Rey is about to go back to her desk before Ben reaches out and grabs her arm. “Rey. Thank you.” He sounds so relieved, and Rey belated realizes the depth of desperation he feels to see this case through. 

________ _ _ _ _

She nods again in reply. She doesn’t feel like she did much, and she suspects he’s more grateful for listening to him than for doing her job and following leads. He lets go of her arm - it tingles slightly where his fingers had touched her skin.

________ _ _ _ _

The fact that Ben is so visibly affected by Snoke makes her feel less uncomfortable with being so close to tears in front of him that morning. She feels the bone tiredness of emotional exhaustion and suspects he does too. 

________ _ _ _ _

“I’m going home,” Rey says, sighing. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

________ _ _ _ _

“No,” Ben shakes his head, his dark waves moving slightly. “I’ll talk to Leia though. And I’ll see you this weekend at your gym showdown.” His face is still unreadable, stoney, but she hears the humor in his voice. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey feels her lips quirk in a smile, despite her dampened mood. 

________ _ _ _ _

She stays at the office for less than three hours the next day, coming in late to fill out paperwork and finish menial tasks that allow her brain to turn off. Connix and Pava were the only other detectives in the space. 

________ _ _ _ _

Kaydel approaches her as she’s organizing the last of her and Ben’s designated filing cabinet. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Everything alright Rey? You seem a little tired.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey feels comforted by the reminder that the people around her care about her well-being. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey nods, hoping to reassure Kaydel that the dark circles under her eyes are temporary. “I am,” she says, settling against the cabinet. “I am tired though. Ben and I have a tough case.”

________ _ _ _ _

Kaydel eyes her with sympathy. “Come out with Jessika and I after work - we’ll buy you a drink.” Her eyes light up as she continues, “Oh! We can invite Rose! We’ll make it a girl’s night and get you in early.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Getting tipsy and talking about anything besides work sounds like heaven to her right now, and she beams at them in reply. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey sends Rose the information about the place they’re going to - a refurbished home in midtown. An hour after her conversation with Kaydel, the three women agree to call it a day and head out. Rose meets them inside after they’ve all collected their drinks from the bartender. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey is happy to see her friend’s face after so long. It had been weeks since she had made plans with her and Finn, but she pushes the residual guilt away. Rose and Finn are one of the few people she’s let into her life, and they understand when Rey needs space - a remnant from her childhood. Rose’s band t-shirt and homemade earrings make her chest fill with affection, and she is overwhelmed with the urge to hug her too tightly.

________ _ _ _ _

She restrains herself, offering a normal one instead. When she pulls back she says “I’m planning on kicking your boyfriends ass this weekend.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Rose laughs. “And I’ll be there to watch. Try not to damage him too bad. It’ll serve him right for assuming he’d beat you though.”

________ _ _ _ _

The foursome sit at a wood table in the back of the room, their space illuminated by tealights aligned in a waxy, neat dash and warm, hanging light bulbs. 

________ _ _ _ _

They chat about music and movies and podcasts they’ve been listening to, and Rey feels herself relax with each passing moment. She had ordered a cocktail that arrived with basil inside, which was delicious. The second one made her loose and giggly. She’s surprised by how well the group’s personalities complement each other. Kaydel’s bubbliness draws out the best of Jessika’s dark humor and Rose’s charm. 

________ _ _ _ _

“How are you and Finn, Rose? Didn’t you recently move in together?” Jessika asks, her painted black nails scratching at her collarbone before reaching for her second drink. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rose perks up at the inquiry. “We’re good! Moving in together was the right choice. It was hard the first couple weeks, but he spent years at military schools as a kid and they sure as hell made him clean and organized - which makes living together a million times easier.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Rose takes a sip of her beer as the other women nod knowingly. “Plus I get to see Poe a lot more often - I really like that dumbass. Now we don’t have to organize when we’ll all be together and he can just come over.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey wonders if Poe finds that arrangement difficult. She thinks it would be excruciating to love someone and only see them with their girlfriend and at work, where anything romantic is off-limits. 

________ _ _ _ _

“What about Amelyn?” Rose asks, leaning into the table.

________ _ _ _ _

“She’s great,” Jessika replies. “Still a work-a-holic though. She’s trying to move into lobbying and activist groups now.” 

________ _ _ _ _

Rose perks up at this, and Jessika writes Holdo’s phone number and the website of an NGO down on napkin for Rose when she lets slip she’s thinking about a similar career move. 

________ _ _ _ _

“What about you, Rey?” Jessika says. It’s clear she’s asking about her love life. The question sounds loaded somehow with secret meaning, one that Rey doesn’t catch. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Oh! No one for me. I feel like my life is too chaotic right now for dating,” she says. She feels slightly uncomfortable under Jessika’s skeptical gaze. 

________ _ _ _ _

“Aren’t you going to ask me about my love life?!” Kaydel jokes when the conversation lulls at Rey’s silence. She feels grateful that she is no longer the focus of the conversation. 

________ _ _ _ _

Jessika snorts. “You keep me updated every morning - I know you’re woefully unattached”.

________ _ _ _ _

Kaydel laughs, shoving Jessika with her shoulder, who slides slightly on the polished, reclaimed wooden benches. Kaydel then lets out a groan, sinking her blonde head into her hands. “Seriously guys… you don’t understand how awful dating apps are. They make me hate humanity.” 

________ _ _ _ _

“What about Poe?” Rose asks. “He’s not seeing anyone. Is there a no-dating rule in the department?”

________ _ _ _ _

Kaydel grins, looking alarmingly like a cat with cream. “Dameron is, _objectively _, hot. And I dont think thats a rule - Luke would probably just object to partners dating.”__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey feels compelled to chime in. “I-, uh, Poe mentioned to me a couple weeks ago that he wasn’t looking to date anytime soon.” 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kaydel’s face falls slightly, her mouth puckering. Rey hoped she saved her and Poe the awkward conversation that would surely follow from that predicament. Then she feels slightly guilty - what if Poe would have said yes? What if he was trying to get over Finn? She had no idea if he liked women too.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jessika is quick to interject. “What about Ben? Rey, is he seeing anyone?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey suddenly feels very uneasy about the line of conversation. “No, I don’t know of anyone,” she manages, ignoring the growing pit in her stomach. She likes Kaydel - there’s no reason for her to feel territorial or protective. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

She quickly realizes there’s no need to. Kaydel scrunches her nose in exaggerated disgust. “No,” she says, drawing out the vowel. “He’s just… weird looking? And he’s so _grumpy _.”__

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He is not!” Rey blurts out indignantly. She restrains herself from covering her mouth. She blames the outburst on the alcohol.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kaydel looks unaffected. “He’s not grumpy with _you_ Rey, but he’s a nightmare with everybody else. Especially Luke.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey hadn’t meant to refer to the grumpy statement. She knows as well as anyone how surly he could be. But Kaydel’s assessment of his demeanor around Rey makes her feel uncomfortably warm - along with the realization that she doesn’t find Ben ‘weird looking’. In fact, she thinks, calling him anything less than handsome sounds patently absurd. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jessika is staring at her knowingly. Rey feels the warmth in her face deepen. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose and Kaydel, however, are blissfully unaware of their interaction and Rey’s sudden feelings of embarrassment. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Well,” Jessika continues, “I don’t know that I see the two of you together anyway.” Rey is grateful of Jessika’s dismissal of the situation, though she still doesn’t really understand why she reacted so strongly to it. 

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Because he’s my partner_ , she thinks. After watching someone’s back for so long, it’s normal to feel protective of them. He’s one of her closest friends. But it doesn’t mean she’s territorial. _Ben is free to do whatever he wants_. She decides not to think about it for the rest of the night. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

\--

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben had taken the L the night before with bags under his eyes. The significance of Snoke’s investigation is already starting to stress him out. He can’t shake the nausea he feels whenever he thinks about the nature of what he and Rey are investigating, and wants nothing more than to wrap the case up and put it behind him. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When he wakes up early the next morning to drive to Leia’s, it’s with rumpled hair and large amounts of caffeine powering him through the long commute to the Chicago suburbs. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once he arrives at Leia’s door, Ben hesitates. As an adult, Ben has never really been one to reach out to his mother — most of their conversations consist of annual birthday cards and the occasional text or phone call. He’d learned at a young age that his mother’s lifestyle never particularly catered to all of the responsibilities that came with having a kid, but as an adult Ben has grown to accept it. In a lot of ways, the distance is easier than the disappointment that craving closeness with his mother would ultimately bring. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knocks twice, standing alone on a quiet porch in front of an imposing house he can’t help but feel out of place in. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Leia answers, she greets him warmly, with eyes ushering him inside and hands quickly taking off his coat. Ben shrugs out of it awkwardly, arms and shoulders moving behind his back as he tries to speed up the process. He returns his mother’s smile with one of his own. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once the coat is off, he takes a step back, looking around the house he’d spent so much time in growing up. Leia clears her throat, moving toward the kitchen and boiling some water on the stove. The living room adjacent to them had every inch of surface area covered with books, stacks of papers, and files with government seals stamped on the top. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m so happy you came to visit, Ben,” she begins, turning around to face him where he was leaning against the granite countertop with an absent minded look on his face. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“How’s your new partner?” Leia asks, giving Ben a warm smile. “I haven’t heard anything about her yet, just that you were assigned someone else after Eugene moved.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben clears his throat, hand coming up to scratch his face and run his fingers through the bed head in his dark hair. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“She’s good,” he began. He realized he wasn’t really sure how to describe her to someone with adequate depth. “She’s really good at her job — she’s a few years younger than me but I trust her a lot. Her name is Rey.” Ben felt strange talking about Rey like this with Leia. Her name felt thick in his mouth. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Leia smiled at something in his tone. “Well, I think it’s about time I meet her. It’s my job to inspect the woman who’s protecting my son most hours of the day,” she says, twinkling. “Come to Senator Ileyn’s fundraising event next weekend. She’s a good friend of mine, and you can bring Rey with you as your plus one.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Something clicks in Ben’s head, and he moves his eyes from where they were surveying the living room to meet his mother’s gaze. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Will Alistair Snoke be there, by any chance?” Ben says his name carefully, willing himself to sound casual and composed. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

At this, Leia frowns. Her eyes cloud over and the lines in her face become slightly more pronounced. Ben realizes in that moment how much older she looks from the last time he saw her. She shakes her head, clearing her thoughts. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Yeah, I think he will. Is everything okay?” she asks. She doesn’t mention the memory of Ben he knew she was remembering. For this, Ben is glad. Something in him doesn’t want to revisit it for the second time in two days.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rey and I were recently assigned to his case. Nothing’s confirmed yet, but he’s being investigated for CSA, and I know that you knew him loosely from your campaign. Have you heard anything about what he’s been up to the past few years?” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There is a brief flash of surprise on Leia's face when Ben mentions what he's investigating, but its quickly concealed behind his mother's carefully cultivated poker face. “I don’t know much,” Leia began. “But Snoke is hard to ignore as a politician. He’s definitely big on handing out campaign donations, especially when the politicians he’s supporting promise to cut back on emissions regulations when they’re in office that’ll help his automobile company. And corporate taxes. And labor laws.” Leia’s expression grows angry, and her disgust is clear the longer she speaks. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Recently, his company partnered with a non-profit to give inner-city elementary schools access to better technology and supplies. He’s had a few photo opportunities there to visit the kids and check out the facilities. I didn’t think much of it until now.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben’s hands automatically clench at this detail. The pressure from this movement is the only thing keeping them from shaking. Leia walks over to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You two are gonna catch him,” she murmurs reassuringly. “From what you’ve told me about Rey, it doesn’t seem likely she’ll give up without a fight. You aren’t alone in any of this.”

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We’ll come to the event, then. It would be a good opportunity to start to understand the man we’re investigating.” Ben pauses. “Just… don’t tell Luke about it.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Leia considers this, and then nods. They talk for another ten minutes or so about the office and Ben’s too small apartment. He tells her about the coffee machine he broke last week because he turned around holding the pot too quickly in his cramped kitchen and shattered the glass on his refrigerator, which made her laugh. After his mother gives him a quick pat on the cheek, he leaves, walking down the paved driveway with brisk, large steps to keep out the cold.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben spends the subway ride home mulling over the conversation he had with Leia. As much as he doesn’t want to wear a stuffy suit all night and talk to uptight politicians who repeat the same hollow niceties to each other, it’s the best opportunity they’re gonna have at getting information from Snoke about Sarah Shan. He is suddenly amused when he thinks about how much Rey will detest being forced into a dress instead of her usual, functional work clothes that allow for a full range of movement. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Goddammit _he thinks suddenly. _I have nothing to wear _.____

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

Rey and Rose say goodbye to Jessika and Kaydel on the street, turning their eyes away from the headlights of passing cars and compacting both their bodies together, hands in their pockets, to combat the icy fingers of cold seeping through their padded coats. The women were all slightly off balance, leaning and teetering into each other as they made their way outside. 

After Kaydel and Jessika had called it an early night, Rey invites Rose back to her apartment, referencing how long its been since she’s been over. Rey knows she’ll collapse on her bed too soon for them to do much - but Rose’s visits usually consist of late nights in bed, the two of them cuddled up with Rey’s cat and watching guilty-pleasure television. 

BB8 comes to greet Rey and Rose as soon as they get through the door, winding between their legs and purring. Rose reaches down to coo at him and scratch his orange-striped face as Rey works off her boots. Rey leverages her upper body when her right boot is reluctant to leave her foot. Miscalculating the required effort, she feels herself start to tumble out of her chair for a moment before she rights herself, giggling. Watching the whole event unfold and catching Rey’s face sends Rose into a laughing spree. 

“We’re drunk,” Rey says, humor coloring her voice. 

Rose just nods, her rosy cheeks puffed up in a grin and her dark hair coming loose from her braids. 

Rey lends Rose a t-shirt and they pile into Rey’s bed with thin mints, Ghost Adventures playing on Rey’s laptop. Rey tries desperately not to let the chocolate fall onto the white duvet, but she knows she’ll likely have to wash it the next morning. That’s what she gets for living dangerously. 

Rey hears her phone buzz somewhere underneath BB8’s coiled body, settled between Rey and Rose’s legs. Rey tries her best to extract her phone without disturbing the cat and reads Poe’s message. When she falls back to her pillow (Rose’s stomach) the room is spinning. 

Poe: _Finn and I were thinking 1 tomorrow. That work?_

____

Rey: _:) see you there ___

____

Poe: _Tell Ben and Rose. ___

______ _ _

Rey leans her head back until Rose’s face is in view, distorted from the odd angle. “Poe says the fight is gonna be at one tomorrow.” She says as she sends a text to Ben to update him about the fight. Her words to Rose are slightly slurred together.

______ _ _

Rey: _Poe want us to meet at 1. ___

________ _ _ _ _

After a moment she decides to text him again. The alcohol and comfort of her bed and Rose’s warmth at her back make her feel brave and grateful. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey: _I’m glad youer my partner. ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

After several minutes of no reply she thinks that she might have frightened him. When her phone buzzes, she tries not to check it too quickly. It buzzes again.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben: _I’m glad you’re my partner, too. ___

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben: _Are you drunk? ___

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose peers down at the screen above Rey as she reads. She reaches for Rey’s phone, taking a goofy picture of herself and sending it in reply. Rey laughs loudly, giggling with Rose. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rey…” Rose huffs, ungracefully rotating onto her belly to face Rey who is laughing at her uncoordinated movements, “I’ve… got something to schell… to TELL you.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Okaaay,” says Rey, trying to breathe between giggles. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Listen.” Rose leans in, cupping her hand around Rey’s ear like someone could be listening in. Her other hand is splayed, gripping the opposite side of Rey’s cheeks, very firmly keeping her head in place to receive Rose’s whisper. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I think Poe is attractive.” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose gasps once she says this, like she’s shocked that she just admitted it out loud. At this, Rey laughs even harder. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Of course he’s attractive,” Rey says, smiling. “Nothing wrong with that. And you and Finn are practically dating the man, you spend so much time with him.” At this, Rose flushes pink. She laughs happily, seeming lighter now that she got this secret off her chest. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They drift off to sleep talking about Ghost Adventures and the shape of Ben’s ears.  
\--

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yawning, Rey is woken up the next morning by BB8’s orange fur inserting itself directly into her mouth. Confused and disoriented, with senses full of a very soft, very fat cat sitting on her face, she moves BB8 to cuddle on Rose’s chest while she sleepily checks the time. 10:30. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She and Rose are swaddled in the duvet with pillows strewn all over the floor. Rose’s arms are sprawled haphazardly above her so that one is hanging off the bed and the other is crushed against the backboard. Rose is snoring, and her dark hair is spread in every direction on her pillow, the fluorescent yellow t-shirt she borrowed peeking out from the sheets. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The headache from yesterday’s drinking is bearable, just slightly uncomfortable. Thankfully, the nausea has decided to spare her. Rey quickly resolves to eat greasy breakfast food and drink as much water as she can in the next few hours, before she has to meet Poe, Finn, and Ben at the gym. She’s slightly embarrassed when she remembers the messages she sent Ben. She’s sure it was something he already knew, but neither of them express those types of things very often to each other. But when she remembers the fact that he repeated the sentiment back to her the feeling fades. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey fondly pats Rose’s face awake, whispering at her to get up in a low, groggy voice before rubbing her eyes and walking into the kitchen to make some breakfast. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose joins her when she’s finished frying eggs and shredded hash browns. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Shittt…,” Rose says, looking at the clock. “We slept in late.” Her voice sounds rough with sleep and her eyes are still heavy and lidded.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We needed it,” Rey replies, winking. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose laughs, moving in jerky steps towards the coffee machine. She pours her and Rey coffee just as Rey is done plating their food and collecting sauces from the fridge. They both stumble sleepily onto the barstools that are lined up underneath Rey’s counter. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose looks at Rey, seeming slightly nervous. “So, what I said about Poe…” 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey laughs. “Hey, I’m not going to say anything. It’s really not a big deal. He is objectively attractive,” she says, referencing Kaydel’s earlier words. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose seems comforted by this. “Maybe seeing you beat him into the dust will help with whatever ‘soft’ feelings I’m harboring for him.”

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I hope not - because what would that mean when I beat Finn?” Rey teases.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rose jokingly considers the question. “I guess we’ll find out.”

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

\--

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben wakes up and bangs his head on the door of his bedroom for the second time that week. _I need to move into a bigger apartment _, he thinks, rubbing his forehead and wincing as he brushes his teeth with his elbows tucked in to avoid hitting them on either side of his very narrow bathroom.__

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Though he woke up at 10, Ben is exhausted. The bags under his eyes are evidence of how terribly he’s been sleeping recently, and thinking about what could have prompted Rey’s sudden outburst of fondness about them as partners had kept him up an extra hour later than the time he usually goes to bed. Mumbling and cursing under his breath about the fact that he still doesn’t have a replacement for the coffee machine he broke, he decides to shower, change, and then grab a coffee at a shop down the street before he makes his way to the gym to meet his co-workers. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When he arrives, Poe enthusiastically waves Ben over to the back of the fitness center where a large boxing ring is set up. Finn is overzealously prepping in the corner — running in place and stretching his calf muscles to warm up for the upcoming fights with Poe and Rey.  
Finn’s eyes shoot past Ben, who had turned to him in greeting, his face lighting up in recognition when he sees Rey and Rose walk in the front door of the gym. They quickly join the rest of the group, and Rose, Finn, and Poe form their own automatic threesome, laughing loudly over Finn’s personalized workout gear. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben feels slightly lightheaded at the sight of Rey, whose hair is pulled back into the three loops she wears whenever they’re doing field work. Ben likes this hairstyle. It’s functional. Wisps of hair curl around her face. The skin usually concealed under blazers and button ups is exposed, revealing tanned, freckled spattered ropes of faint muscle. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“How’s the headache?” Ben asks, scanning her face for the tell-tell signs of a hangover. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Manageable,” Rey grins. “And I can still kick Poe’s ass with it.” 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I don’t doubt it,” Ben said, giving her a small, wry smile. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It is quickly decided between the five of them that Ben should serve as referee. Rey seems reluctant to forfeit the best fighter in the office title, but the group agrees that even she would have trouble fighting Ben after sparring with Finn and Poe. The winner of today would move on to the semi-finals. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The first to fight are Rey and Finn. Ben is holding onto the side ropes of the ring, watching carefully for any penalties that might occur (they had decided that the groin and any type of biting was off limits) and keeping track of the points system that Finn and Poe had crafted in advance. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Finn is moving from side to side, sizing Rey up as they circle around each other, waiting for Ben’s cue to begin. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do your worst!” Finn challenges, amping himself up and seeming ready to charge. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey just smiles lazily. Ben suspects she’s counting on looking unaffected and confident, but she really just looks tired. He thinks it actually makes her look more formidable - she oozes the quiet, dangerous grace of feline predators before they pounce. Finn is radiating with energy while she stands comparatively relaxed, her wrapped and gloved hands held in front of her and knees slightly bent. Ben notices Rey inching forward, trying to get within swinging distance before he gives the signal. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The second he does, Finn swings towards Rey with his right hand. Rey dodges easily, seemingly expecting the throw. When Finn goes in for a second punch with his left hand, Rey merely moves her head and counters with two quick jabs to his open stomach - his blocking hand currently occupied punching at air. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben lets out an amused cough as the fight continues. Finn is putting brute force into his swings, but Rey is much faster - easily avoiding the jabs at her head and dancing out of range when Finn throws punches at her torso. Rey is up by three points by the time Finn gets a hit in, making contact with her shoulder while she goes for his jaw. Rey lets out a hiss through her teeth, but otherwise seems unaffected. With her next punch, she wins the round - bowing and beaming as Ben, Rose, and Poe applaud. Ben wonders how long the fight would have taken if she were allowed to use her Muay Thai. Rey and Finn hug, congratulating and complimenting each other, and Finn rubs his jaw as he steps out of the ring.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You ready for your turn?” Rey asks of Poe, leaning on the ropes of the elevated boxing ring. Her now-loose hair falls forward and he is hit by the smell of her shampoo, which momentarily makes his mind go blank. _Jesus Christ get it together _, he thinks.__

____

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

Poe looks slightly chagrined when he looks up at her. “I’d rather save my energy trying to beat Finn. I’ll concede you’re above me in the ranking.” 

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She laughs, swinging between the ropes and hopping down to the gym floor. “I’m coming for you next Ben,” she says, now smiling up at him. 

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Ben just quirks his lips at her.

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“Muay Thai rules though,” she adds, turning at Ben’s side to observe Finn and Poe, who were now standing in the ring. 

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“It’s a deal,” he says, sounding unbothered.

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Finn and Poe look at them expectantly, rolling their shoulders and adjusting their mouthguards. Finn has striped off his shirt to wipe away the sweat from his and Rey’s fight. Ben notices Rey is watching Poe very closely, and wondered if its to avoid Finn’s lack of clothing. Rose looks slightly nervous.

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The two men nod at Ben to signal they are ready. At Ben’s word, Finn and Poe lunge toward each other. The two are evenly matched in height and strength - and skill as well, Ben thinks. Unlike Finn and Rey, their two fighting styles are similar. They throw their strength into their blows and are slower to dodge. 

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Poe lands the first hit, pummeling into Finn’s right side and blocking Finn with his left. Finn leaps away, lands a strike to Poe’s face after avoiding several attempted blows. The fight continues for several minutes, a violent dance, before Finn starts to break ahead. 

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Ben calls the match in Finn’s favor after his seventh hit. Between the fight with Poe and Rey, he’s taken a hand full of painful-looking strikes. Rey repeats this sentiment when Finn crawls out of the ring, pointedly asking Poe and Rose to make sure he gets ice on them.

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The group laughs and loiters in the gym for nearly an hour after they’ve finished, sitting on equipment or sprawling out on the boxing ring. They start to split apart, Rey naturally pairing with Ben as Rose, Finn, and Poe drift off into their own world. They part ways with promises of rematches. 

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\--

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Rey’s shoulder hurts when she opens the apartment door for her and Ben - she knows it’ll bruise the next day. She tries to conceal the fact that she’s in pain now that she has a novel competition to hype up with Ben. She had only been intending to tease him, but her decisive victory over Finn had since made her feel slightly cocky, and now she feels the slightest hope that she might, in fact, be able to beat him. And she can’t have him going easy on her.

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Rey heads straight for her coffee machine, hoping the caffeine might dampen the headache that she logically knows is from the alcohol but feels like is from caffeine withdrawls. Plus, Ben has dark circles under his eyes and looks dead on his feet. 

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When she returns to her living room, Ben is sprawled on her couch with BB8 perched on his chest. The image startles a laugh out of Rey, who thinks the scene looks like BB8 had brought in a gift (usually a mouse) but this time a man whose feet hang off the edge of her sofa. 

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She sets his coffee down carefully on the adjacent side table as Ben gives her a sigh of thanks. BB8, however, is restraining him from accessing the beverage, his paws planted firmly on his chest. Ben stares at the coffee over his chest longingly and then throws his head back down on the cushions in submission. He curls his arm up to scratch BB8’s face.

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“I know you’re not going to like this - but my mom invited us to a fundraising gala. Where we can talk to Snoke,” he adds hesitantly, gauging her reaction with dark eyes. “Plus,” he continues, turning his attention to stroking BB8’s fur, “she wants to meet you.”

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Rey is intimidated by the idea of meeting Leia Organa - especially while she’d be expected to hobnob with the political elite in evening wear. But the idea of meeting Snoke under pretense makes her skin crawl. She imagines that somehow he would know. 

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“Ben,” Rey breathes out. “We aren’t in a fucking … James Bond film! Couldn’t we get into legal problems by interviewing a suspect like that?”

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“We don’t even know if we’ll get the chance to talk to him. But most of the other people there will know him too - more than likely we’ll just be getting information from people who have worked with him.” Ben is very carefully not meeting her gaze, dedicated to lavishing as much attention on BB8 as possible. 

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Rey sighs, pressing her palm into her forehead and hoping it'll help to quell the ache there that seems to have heightened at Ben's words. “Alright. Does Leia know what we’re doing?”

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At Rey’s acceptance, Ben sits up and resettles BB8 in his lap. “Yeah,” he affirms, finally taking a sip of his coffee and looking relieved. 

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As he moves he catches sight of her shoulder, which since the fight has turned bright red where Finn landed his punch. He hisses through his teeth, leaving the couch to examine it closer. Rey turns her arm for inspection, peering down at the injury from over her shoulder. 

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“Does it hurt?”

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“No,” Rey lies, shrugging. 

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He eyes her skeptically for a moment, peering up at her from where he has crouched on the floor, his eyebrows lifting. 

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He gets up wordlessly, heading to Rey’s freezer and collecting a bag of frozen peas before wrapping them in a towel and passing it to her along with some acetaminophen he had retrieved from her cabinet. Rey takes it wordlessly, slightly annoyed that her bluff has been called, but ultimately glad once the freezing cold starts to stave off the ache that was slowly becoming more tender. 

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They are quiet for a moment, Ben still hovering near her chair as if his proximity will enforce her icing of the bruise. He looks so tired and Rey is briefly overcome with the desire to push him onto the couch and command that he nap.

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“I’m glad you’re my partner,” she says.

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Ben just stares from where he’s standing above her, now leaning against her bookshelf that’s stacked with coding manuals, novels, and potted plants. 

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“You already said that.” His expression seems guarded and questioning, searching her face for intention behind the words, like she doesn’t mean it and is trying to butter him up for something.

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“Yeah well,” she starts, looking down at her cup for a moment. It was one she had hand-painted as a kid, flowers with little tear-shaped petals. “I wanted to say it while I wasn’t drunk.” 

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“Okay,” Ben said. If Rey didn’t know him so well she’d think he had said it unsentimentally, but his mouth is lifted in the beginnings of a smile. 

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The response makes her soften. She knows he’s been stressed over the Snoke case for the past week. Yet he’s still here, even while dead on his feet, taking care of her. 

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She sets her coffee and iced peas down wordlessly and stands up, carefully wrapping her arms around his waist. Ben seems frozen for a moment, his hands hoovering at her back as she breathes in the clean smell of his laundry detergent. When he finally wraps his arms around her shoulder, he is careful to avoid her forming bruise. 

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His voice sounds thick when she pulls away. “I better go. You should drink water instead of coffee. The headache is from dehydration.” 

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The look he gives Rey before he leaves is brief and fond, marked by an upturned mouth and warm contraction in his eyes. He bids BB8 goodbye with a scratch when the cat goes to beg more attention from Ben by the door. At the sound of the door shutting and the telltale click of her door’s lock mechanism, Rey feels very alone. 

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\--

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The next week passes by in a blur of coffee, office chat, and banal case work. At this point, tracking timelines and arrests is so familiar to Rey that she drifts as she spends her time researching David’s work in West Paterson. But the case feels empty compared to Snoke’s, of which the next lead was the fundraising event on Saturday. 

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Rey has started spending extra time in the afternoon at the gym, brushing up for her fight with Ben. She doesn’t tell him this, nor does she mention that she has started training with the tallest sparring partner available. Poe and Finn have made it a hobby to boast about her fighting skills to everyone else in the office, and when Luke gets wind of it when walking past Finn’s desk he raises a bushy eyebrow at her in skepticism. 

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“She’s going to fight Ben next!” Finn exclaims, directing his excitement at Luke. Rey feels a twinge of shyness, feeling oddly like she was breaking a department rule by fighting her coworkers after-hours. 

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But Luke just flashes her a smile, blue eyes twinkling. “I’d like to see that,” he says, continuing on his path back to his glass-partitioned office at the back of the room. 

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Ben, who hears this across the room, rolls his eyes.

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Rey thought that Ben looked less tired now that he was being forced to take a break from the Snoke case. He was just as agitated about the case though - Rey had seen him calling Leia twice now to confirm details about the gala, a considerable amount of effort given what Rey had gathered about their generally detached relationship. 

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“Rey, come with me,” Luke says. He had stopped at his office door, peering over his shoulder. 

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She follows him, feeling slightly like a child who is about to be scolded. She didn’t think she had done anything wrong by fighting Finn and Poe - there was no way he could regulate what they did in their freetime - but she suspects he might get on to her for talking about it in the office. 

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When she sits down in one of the two worn chairs that Luke had placed in front of his desk, Luke’s face warms with a smile. “How are your cases going?”

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Rey relaxes in her seat, her shoulders falling and spine hitting the back of the seat, her rising anxiety now eased. 

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“They’re going well. Ben and I are following up on an arrest from two weeks ago that might lead to a drug manufacturing charge.”

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Luke nods. “And the Snoke case?” His eyes harden slightly, preparing for the bad news he expects from Rey. 

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“Actually,” Rey’s eyes linger on a framed photograph on Luke’s desk of a younger version of himself and what looks like his father - startlingly handsome and auburn haired next to the sandy color of Luke’s. His father is about Ben’s height, which seemed to have skipped a generation. “It’s going okay. We have a couple leads that we’re following up on.”

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Luke gazes considerately at her for a moment before responding. 

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“You’re a good detective Rey. I know I probably haven’t told you that enough - I’m not the most hands on boss,” he says sheepishly. “And you work well with Ben. The whole department really.” 

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Rey flushes slightly at the unexpected compliment, murmuring her thanks. She had not received much praise from her foster parents as a kid, which she suspects made her hunt for it at school. It had worked out well for her - she got stellar grades which had flourished into a rewarding career - and the validation from Luke pleased her as much as it surprised her.

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When Luke dismissed her, Poe immediately gestured her over to the far end of the room. Ben and Finn eyed them curiously from their desks.

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“Did he get on to you about the fighting?” Poe asks, leaning closer to her so that his voice wouldn’t carry, forehead furrowing in concern.

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Rey shakes her head. “He was just checking in with me,” she says reassuringly. 

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“Okay, good,” he says letting out a breath in relief. “I didn’t think he would but I would’ve felt so guilty.” 

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Rey smiles at him. “Its fine, Poe. But actually, since I have you, we should talk.” She scans the office - Ben seems fascinated by something on his computer screen, but she catches Finn glancing up at them from his phone. Rey grabs Poe shoulder, pulling him through the doors next to them, which are fortunately not transparent. 

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“What’s up?” Poe asks, the curiosity in his voice held back in an effort to sound casual.

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“You like Finn.” 

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She worries that her tone was too accusatory, and that Poe will either deny it or feel attacked. But he just lets out a groan, his head falling backwards and his eyes closing shut like he’s either waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him or to ascend out of the fluorescent office space. 

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“Is it that obvious?”

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Rey tries to hold back a laugh threatening to bubble through her throat. Instead it emerges as a derisive snort. “Poe. You’re constantly either eye-fucking him or acting like you’re on a honeymoon.” 

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His eyes narrow. “There’s no way. No one else has said anything about it!” He looks down at the ground. “And Finn doesn’t seem to have figured it out,” he mumbles.

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“Why don’t you tell him?” Rey asks sympathetically. 

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He takes in a shuddering breath and looks back up at her from beneath his eyelashes. Rey suddenly remembers what everyone else seems to know - Poe is _objectively _good looking.__

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“It’s not that simple.” 

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Rey waits silently. When he continues to speak, everything comes out in a rush. “He and Rose are really happy and I really like her and I would never want to potentially break them up and if I didn’t break them up I would ruin my relationship with Finn and her.” His cheeks are tinged pink and he takes a moment before whispering “I think I just want things to stay how they are.”

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“You don’t want to move on?” 

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Poe looks tortured, his jaw clenched. “I… don’t think I can.”

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Rey is touched by Poe’s dedication to both Finn and Rose, and at his miserable expression she draws him into a hug. 

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“I haven’t talked to anyone about this,” he says, his mouth muffled against her shoulder. 

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“Well I’m glad you told me.” Rey desperately wants to find a way to make all three of her friends happy. 

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“Do you want to go back in?” Rey asks when Poe breaks away and stands there awkwardly, shoulders hunched. 

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“I think I’m going to take a minute. Admitting it finally is… difficult.” Rey thinks he looks defeated.

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When Rey returns to her desk, she feels that same emotional heaviness from her and Ben’s visit to Sophia’s. Rey can imagine how Poe feels. Some emotions can be so crippling and painful that you have to desperately deny the truth to survive life. She had frequently done this as a child, clinging to the fantasy that her parents would come back for her to avoid facing the fact that they had abandoned her to the foster system. She feels slightly guilty that she had robbed Poe of that.

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“What was that about?” Ben asks from his desk a couple feet away, his chair turned around and sliding towards her. 

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“Oh, he was just checking in and seeing how cases were going.” Rey says, waving her hand dismissively, assuming Ben was asking about Luke. 

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“I meant with Poe,” he asks hesitantly, his face looking guarded. His voice is pitched low, likely because Finn is now taking turns glancing at them and the door Rey had come through. “Obviously if it’s private you don’t have to tell me. You just seem… sad.” 

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Rey tries to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, I promise. We were just talking about his love life.” 

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Ben seemingly turns to stone - he suddenly looks unbearably uncomfortable, his face blank and his hands gripping his armrests. 

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Ben had always aired on the more professional side, but Rey was slightly surprised that he was so off put at the mention of Poe’s personal life. 

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“Oh." He pauses. "I see.”

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Rey wonders if he knows something that she doesn’t - he looks so stiff and guarded and slightly… hurt? She shoots him a questioning glance. She wonders if he’s upset that she talks to Poe about his romantic life but hasn’t asked him recently, which seems incredibly petty, especially for Ben. _Who is she kidding _, she thinks. _Even _for Ben. She resolves to ask him eventually.____

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Rey changes the subject, debriefing him on her discoveries on the Christoforou case. Ben had initially seemed distracted, but quickly responded to her queries about further leads.

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Poe never came back to the office, and his early exit seemed to spark something in the rest of his coworkers. Everyone trickled out, even Luke left early, quickly followed by Ben. Rey stayed late, and by the time she left the office the sun had set and the sky was obsidian mixed with the ethereal haze of light pollution and moonlight. She happily curled up in bed early, sleeping for what felt like longer than she had in weeks.

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	4. Chapter 4

Ben had been itching all week to leave for the gala. Being at the office with no leads to go off of had been torture, and he had spent hours in the evenings at the gym trying to burn the feeling of sluggishness and inefficacy away. His conversation with Rey had been eating at him, and he couldn’t shake the nauseous, panicked feeling that swept over him whenever he thought about her feelings for Poe. Part of his mind couldn’t stop replaying past incidents between them in his head, analyzing the new intent behind their conversations. 

Every time an intrusive thought popped into his head he shoved it back down beneath the surface. He knew Rey saw him as a friend, and their working relationship made anything beyond friendship impossible.

The stress from not progressing on the Snoke case (he’s reluctant to blame it on anything else) lingered as the week progressed, and he woke up for hours at a time each night, feeling listless. One night he had been so desperate for the oblivion of real sleep that he had stumbled into his kitchen looking for NyQuil and, unable to find it, had settled for a couple burning swallows of whiskey. 

They had arranged that he would pick Rey up from her apartment. Ben felt constricted in his suit — the white button up he was wearing was admittedly too small for him, but he hadn’t found the time to shop for another one, so he hoped no one would notice the way small holes appeared between the shirt buttons whenever he breathed too deeply. 

Formal events aren’t really Ben’s forte. When he was a kid, Ben remembers having to get dressed up to go to his mother’s political events, and how he always hated the way Leia insisted on smoothing his hair back with gel so that it fit neatly behind his ears. He was never good at answering the adult’s questions either. Ben always had difficulty being as well spoken as his mother, and whenever something was directed toward him he’d find himself stumbling for an answer and unsure of what he was saying. 

He had gotten a haircut the day before in preparation for the event, since Leia always reminded him his hair was too long. It now curled around the upper part of his neck, still long enough to hide the ears that he felt self conscious of but short enough that most of his neck was visible. When he mounts the steps to Rey’s apartment, he runs his hands through it a few times before clearing his throat and knocking. 

“One second!” Rey yells from inside. It takes a few more moments of what sounds like Rey banging around in her apartment before she flings open the door, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. 

In the back of his mind, Ben very vaguely remembers a joke he planned on making about how he was here to pick up BB8, but now all he can do is stare with his lips parted. 

Her hair is down and curled, the style of soft chocolate brown waves frames her face and a deep side part echoes the glamour of old Hollywood. One side of her hair is tucked behind her ear to reveal long, delicate, oval-shaped earrings that shimmer when she turns her head. Her dress is deep green silk with delicate straps that show constellations of small freckles along her collarbones that make Ben wince. The bottom of the dress flutters sweetly around her ankles.

He has never seen Rey like this before… ever. It's easy enough to brush aside the way his heartbeat speeds up when she laughs loudly or accidentally brushes his shoulder when they're walking side by side, but it's difficult to ignore the current clenched feeling in his chest and his near inability to swallow or think or speak. 

“Hi,” she says, smiling. 

“Hi,” he responds, willing to keep his face composed so that she can’t tell how unstable he feels. There are a billion things he wants to do in that moment, but all he can do without feeling ridiculous is offer her his arm.

 _Stop it, stop it, stop it,_ he repeats with every step. He’s worried this will become a regular mantra. 

When he opens the passenger door to his car for her to climb in, he goes stiff at the realization that her dress is _backless_. He’s never seen this much of her skin before, and he quickly looks away from the dusting of freckles on her spine and shoulder blades before he gets that ridiculous feeling again.

\--

Ben turns on soft classical music on the car ride over. Rey knows his favorite is Rachmaninoff, but this time he is playing Chopin. 

“Seatbelt,” he murmurs as he reaches his right arm behind her seat to back up out of his parking spot. She smiles, fastening it around her waist and remembering the past. The car is dark and warm, and the smell of Ben as he reaches over is familiar and comforting. 

The air outside is cold and Rey hasn't brought any sort of jacket. When she shivers, Ben turns the heat up without taking his eyes off the road, which she’s grateful for. He seems unreasonably tense, which Rey interprets as nervousness for what they’re about to do. Rey tries to shift the topic of conversation to herself to take his mind off of seeing Snoke again for the first time since he was a child. 

”I’m actually kind of nervous about meeting your mom for the first time,” she muses aloud, turning the music down slightly. Ben glances at her, the corners of his mouth turning up. 

”We’re about to go undercover to investigate a possible criminal and extract information from some of his most powerful associates and you’re worried about my mother?” Ben asks. Rey laughs. 

“I just want her to like me, is all,” she says, looking out the window as she spots the refurbished historic building where the gala is being held. 

“She will,” Ben says, parking the car. When they walk to the front doors, Rey’s stiletto point heels stumble on the cobblestones and Ben holds out his arm to steady her a few times. The entrance to the building is lined with valets and expensive cars, and when she and Ben enter the front hall she is secretly captivated by how extravagant the building is. Plush burgundy velvet carpets lead to curved twin staircases on either side of the impossibly high ceilinged entryway. Crystal chandeliers with hundreds of tear-drop shaped facets extend to the back of the hall, casting the rooms in warm fractured light. Waiters bustle from one group of people to the next, offering champagne and small food pairings to guests. Despite her earlier words to Ben, it does feel like they’re in a James Bond film. 

Ben’s eyes scan the room until they find Leia, surrounded by other men and women donned in formal wear. Once he locks on to Leia’s silver hair, he starts to lead Rey over. She grabs a glass of champagne from a nearby floating serving platter in preparation, her stomach fluttering.

Leia spots them just before they reach the flock of professionals that have gathered around her like apostles dressed in designer evening wear. She breaks out of the group and takes a few steps to greet them before pulling Ben down several feet into a hug. Rey struggles not to laugh at the image. 

When she turns to Rey, her laughter dies and she is suddenly unbearably intimidated again. But she doesn’t have much time to be - almost immediately Leia pulls Rey into a hug as well, and her anxiety evaporates. “It’s so wonderful to meet you, Rey.” When she pulls away she studies Rey’s face, still holding on to her shoulders, and adds “I’ve heard wonderful things about you.” 

____“I’m very happy to meet you too, Senator Organa.”_ _ _ _

____Leia laughs. “Call me Leia. I reserve Senator Organa for work and people I dislike.” She gives her shoulders a squeeze._ _ _ _

____Ben wanders off for a moment to find champagne while Leia asks Rey questions about herself. She quickly feels comfortable around the older woman, and they make each other laugh in turn. Rey can’t find Ben’s normally visible head of hair among the crowd, and assumes he had been stopped by one of Leia’s colleagues._ _ _ _

____By the time Rey had finished her first drink, she feels less like an imposter in room full of executives, rich silks, and trust-fund recipients. Leia gravitated toward a woman dressed in blue silk who she calls Mon, pulling Rey with her. They greet each other warmly, and seem to exchange a reference to previous work together before Leia introduces Rey. In heels, Rey towers over Leia, but Mon nearly matches her in height. The woman’s dark blonde hair is cut short, and she smiles warmly as she gives her hand a firm shake and introduces herself as a member of the state Board of Education._ _ _ _

____Rey gives Leia a side glance, quickly realizing she had been setting Rey up to talk with someone who would know about Snoke’s involvement with the state’s public schools. Leia sees her knowing look and smiles encouragingly, her face turned away from her colleague._ _ _ _

____“Mon,” Leia begins, leaning in conspiratorially. “Rey is Ben’s detective partner - she has a couple questions to ask you about a case that they’re working on.” Her tone remains casual until she continues, suddenly putting authority and intention behind her words. “It’s very important that you mention nothing about what you and Rey talk about to anyone. I need you to trust me on this, Mon. People are counting on it.”_ _ _ _

____Mon sees the shift in Leia and in turn adjusts her posture. “I would do anything for you, Leia,” Mon says taking her hand. “And I trust you. If people will be helped by this, I’ll do anything I can.” She turns to Rey, her attention now more focused. Rey is a little in awe of the two women, who seem to have a political magnetism and unbridled talent for leadership._ _ _ _

____The three women have slowly been inching closer and closer together, and now their hands grasping their champagne glasses are nearly touching._ _ _ _

____“I need you to tell me everything you know about Snoke and the First Order’s involvement in the education system,” Rey says lowly, her and Mon’s gazes locked._ _ _ _

____Mon takes the question in stride. “I can’t say I’m surprised he’s doing something illegal - but I always took his donations and involvement in the school district to be more of a PR move. Along with a tax write off.” She mutters the last sentence lowly, chagrin clearly apparent._ _ _ _

____She clears her throat and continues. “He made a couple very sizable donations to the system as a whole, but most of his public appearances were with Mill Elementary School. I believe I was told that, the Principal there was a friend from his college years. It’s a Title III school in with very little funding, so that definitely helps the PR part. I have no idea how much of his donations actually ended up getting sent there though, since that’s down to the district’s superintendent.”_ _ _ _

____Mon looks up at the chandelier above their heads considerately. “I… also think he started an after-school program.” There’s a slight inflection to her voice, like its a question. “It was at least fifteen years ago, and I believe he stopped it after a couple years. It was before I was appointed to the Board of Education.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank you so much - is there anything else you can think of?” Rey asks. She refrains from asking more pointed questions at the risk of revealing what she and Ben are investigating._ _ _ _

____“Well I have to say I’m surprised you’re singling me out - his work with education is probably the least controversial thing about the man. There have been multiple lawsuits over the years regarding labor conditions at his manufacturing sites and I personally suspect there’s an unprecedented level of corruption at the executive level. The man has a political agenda, and his self-interest in palpable. A man like that is not far from breaking laws to get what he wants.” Her face searches Rey’s. “You two be careful.”_ _ _ _

____Leia gives Rey a look encroaching on fondness. “I’ve heard she’s very capable.” Rey feels a slight heat rise in her face, remembering the praise of Leia’s twin as well and suspects that this is the aforementioned source. “Ben has assured me that she’s capable of covering for him as well.”_ _ _ _

____Rey can’t hide the look of surprise on her face, realizing she had been wrong about the source. Her jaw drops, but she quickly recovers, attempting to ignore the flip her stomach had done at Leia’s statement._ _ _ _

____Mon has pulled out a business card and offers it to her. “You and your partner can call me if you have any other questions.” She gives her had a squeeze before hugging Leia and returning to her date, who is talking to a tall, lanky man with a _monocle _. Rey is reminded of how patently absurd it is that this is what she’s doing with her Friday night.___ _ _ _

______Leia wanders back towards their table and is greeted by a young woman who looks like a fellow politician. Rey finally spots Ben across the room, talking to a man with jet black and greased hair. He looks slightly familiar, and Rey quickly places him from all the photographs of the First Order executive board she had combed through while researching Sarah Shan. She totters over to them, uncomfortable in her heels and regretting drinking while on an empty stomach._ _ _ _ _ _

______She hears Ben exchanging small talk with the man, which mostly consists of him occasionally muttering a word or two while his conversation partner drones on. When he catches sight of her, he moves to make room for her in their space and raises his arm behind her to draw her in. His fingers briefly touch her bare back by accident, and he pulls his hand away quickly as if she had burned him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mitaka, this is Rey, she’s my colleague at the law firm I work at.” Ben adds a slight emphasis to the _law firm _, looking down at her pointedly.___ _ _ _ _ _

________Rey extends her hand, smiling. “It’s nice to meet you, Mitaka.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The man, who is a few inches shorter than her, does what Rey can only call a predatory scan while shaking her hand. Mitaka is hardly intimidating, and it would be comical if it wasn’t so objectifying. When his eyes recover from their roaming, they find a point above her and to her left. She thinks he pales a little, and he coughs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rey follows Mitaka’s gaze to glance over at Ben, but he seems unbothered, simply continuing with the introduction. “Rey, Mitaka is on the executive board of the First Order.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, wonderful!” Rey exclaims in mock surprise. “How long have you been with the company?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just a few years,” Mitaka replies. “Our founder highered me fairly soon after I graduated from business school.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Harvard,” Mitaka adds, as if Rey had asked where he had attended. She refrains from rolling her eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh!” Rey raises her arms, pretending to remember something. “You must know Sarah Shan! I went to Sarah Lawrence with her. I’m certain I heard something about her work with the First Order recently…” Rey is very grateful she remembered Shan’s alma mater, and hopes the age difference between her and Shan won’t ring any alarm bells for Mitaka._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Mitaka clears his throat, uncomfortable. “Yes, she was on the board for several years. She unfortunately stepped down not too long ago. Her work for the company was excellent.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Rey says. “I’ll have to reach out to her - it’s been too long.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She’s disappointed she didn’t get any new information out of Mitaka and decides to switch tactics._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You know, I was just speaking with the superintendent and she mentioned all the wonderful work that your president has done with the school district.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Mitaka certainly takes the bait, visibly perking at the chance to preen. “Yes, the entire executive board makes efforts with the school district. Snoke does a considerable amount of work with elementary schools. I’ve actually worked with him to fund several after-school sports programs.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That is _so _important.” Rey flashes a wide smile at him, hoping her friendliness will get him talking. “Which sports? I’m a basketball fan myself,” she lies.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“One of them is a basketball team,” Mitaka nods. “Snoke and I attended their championship game, actually. They started performing remarkably well after they received better funding. And I believe the relationship we built certainly contributed.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“That’s so great to hear. I’m always happy to hear about business that care about the communities they are involved in.” Rey thinks that manages to sound sincere, and she mildly wants to vomit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When she glances up to Ben, he looks amused. “We better go back to your mother - I’m afraid I might have left her with a political adversary,” she jokes. She doesn’t think they can extrapolate any more information from Mitaka, and Ben seems unusually quiet. “It was nice to meet you, Mitaka.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She groans once he’s out of earshot. “Jesus Christ how did you tolerate that man for longer than I did?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Ben stops for a moment, halting her return to Leia with a hand to her elbow. “I talked to Snoke.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What happened?” Rey breathes, facing him. He looks drained, and Rey realizes he’d been trying to hide his anxiety lingering from his conversation with Snoke while they were talking to Mitaka._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“He was just fucking.. creepy. Talked about how he remembered me as a child.” Ben keeps running his hand through his hair, which Rey recognizes a sign that he’s agitated. Rey hardens, and she experiences the same wave of anger she felt when he first told her about his connection to Snoke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Next time you talk to him, I go with you,” she says. “I don’t like you alone with him.” Ben looks at her, considering this proposal, and then nods once._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________With this, they make their way across the room toward Leia, who is surrounded by a young woman and two older men. The woman, Rey suddenly realizes as they get closer, is beautiful. She appears to be a few years older that Rey is, and has long, dark hair that spills over her shoulder onto her white dress. To her discomfort, she greets Ben enthusiastically as they join the small circle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“ _Ben Solo _, is that really you?” she gasps, opening her arms for an embrace with her champagne glass still clutched in her right hand. He returns the hug quickly, giving her a tight lipped smile that Rey realizes isn’t completely disingenuine.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Caroline and I were in the same graduating class at University of Chicago,” Ben explains. “Caroline, this is my colleague, Rey.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Nice to meet you,” Caroline says flippantly, eyes reluctantly leaving Ben’s face to give her a quick once over before she refocuses all of her energy back onto him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Rey’s mood quickly sours. She starts to feel uncomfortable in her own skin and overwhelmingly annoyed that Ben is talking to Caroline rather than working. She desperately wishes that she had a pullover or something. She tries to engage in Leia’s conversation with the two other Illinois politicians, but each time Caroline laughs or touches Ben’s shoulder she feels itchy annoyance shoot down her spine. By Caroline’s third unreasonably loud peal of laughter at a mediocre joke Ben made, Rey decides she can’t take it anymore and mutters something to Leia about getting another drink. She’s on the other side of the room, drinking another glass of champagne and trying to nurse her mood back to something reasonably civil when Ben approaches her. He looks surprised to see her there, and Rey is disappointed to realize that he didn’t follow her, but is rather collecting more champagne. She tries not to read into the fact that he’s picked up two glasses._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Everything alright?” Ben asks, raising an eyebrow at the fact that she’s nearly sagging against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Everything is fine,” Rey says, feeling defensive. “I just felt uncomfortable over there and needed a breather.” She’s looking everywhere but at him, and she knows color is flooding into her cheeks from the anger rising in her chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Why?” Ben asks, confused. His total obliviousness to the situation makes everything worse, and Rey snaps._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t know, Ben. Maybe next time, just... refrain from flirting on the job.” She knows she’s being unreasonable, and she feels a sharp pang of regret when Ben’s face recoils in hurt and shock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What are you… I can’t _believe _you of all people would say that to me,” he says, bitterly, mouth twisting into a grimace.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Rey hisses indignantly, trying her hardest to keep her voice down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You’re the one... flirting all day with Poe Dameron at work!” he sputters, ears turning red._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________At this, Rey recoils, completely oblivious as to how to respond. He thinks she’s _flirting_ with Poe? _What in the world_ … Suddenly, everything clicks — what she’d told him about her conversation with Poe and how he’d been acting so strangely all week. _Of all the idiot things_ , she thinks. _______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Ben, I’m not flirting with Poe!” Rey exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. “I was talking about Poe’s relationship problems with _someone else _, you idiot. Poe’s… like a brother to me.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Ben’s expression is colored with shock, and she thinks she sees a flicker of relief flash across his face as he unclenches his hands from where they were balled up at his sides._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“Well, I wasn’t flirting with Caroline. I’m offended you would even suggest it,” he tells her forcefully. “She’s driven me crazy since freshman year of college when she made me go out with her and a few other friends and then proceeded to throw up in my dorm.” His gaze darkens at the memory, and Rey can’t help but laugh at the thought of nineteen year old Ben miserably being dragged out to a college party._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Her outburst of amusement breaks the tension between them, and Ben begins to smile a little as he watches her. Rey can’t help but feel silly — what business was it of hers if he was flirting with her anyway? It wasn’t going to ruin their investigation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“I’m sorry,” she mutters. “I was being silly, and your relationships are none of my business.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He just extends his hand in reply, helping to pull her off the wall, and they walk back to Leia’s circle together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Ben reaches Rey’s apartment, she’s yawning and dozing off against his car seats. 

“Hey, we’re here Rey,” he says as they pull around her corner, as softly as he can manage.

She shifts, her head lifting as she emerges disoriented out of the twilight between sleep and consciousness that she had fallen into. She grumbles a little as she grabs her clutch and swivels her head around, checking that she has everything. Her hair is disheveled from where she was leaning against the car window and her cheeks are flushed from the warmth of the car. Ben watches her carefully as she climbs out into the cold night air and crosses the blinding yellow of his headlights to stoop at his drivers-side window. 

“Thanks for driving me.” Rey says softly, her hand resting on the bottom of his driver’s side window. “Goodnight, Ben.”

He waves as he backs out, and takes a shuddering breath as he makes it onto the freeway. He has a brief, powerful urge to call Leia, despite the fact that he had just seen her for longer than he had in the past year. He feels like he’s being torn apart by emotions he can’t put a name to, none of them bubbling up close enough to the surface to identify. He can’t decide if he needs to try and process them or distract himself.

His interaction with Snoke had shaken him more than he had let on to Rey, and he is desperately trying to avoid remembering Snoke’s eerie, slimy presence. His attention is pulled by the desire to go through every interaction he had had with Rey that night with a fine-toothed comb, an old habit that he had developed considerable control over after months of working together. He is hesitant to let the practice back into his life, which he had expunged after a particularly painful few hours, but the distraction it offers is slowly becoming more and more appealing. 

When he collapses on the slate grey of his duvet, his thoughts flit between snippets of conversation he had collected at the gala, and newly emerging relief at the fact that he and Rey now have new leads for the Snoke case. 

He wakes with a start the next morning, sweat plastering the sheets to his torso and his hair to his forehead. His nightmare seems to bleed into the concrete reality of wakefulness- Snoke’s chilling voice echoing through the quiet of his bedroom that is streaming with morning sunlight. He feels bone-tired, and suspects that he woke several times before drifting back into whatever fitful sleep he could manage. 

He pulls himself out of bed with a groan, his body feeling sore for no reason he could place. Once the sun was up he knows he won’t be able to fall back into sleep, and he dreads filling the day with activities as exhausted as he is. He wonders how long it has been since he had a full night’s rest as he remembers how Caroline had lowly suggested that they catch up the night before, her red-stained mouth leaning perilously close to Ben in the middle of the crowded room. He had gracefully stalled, pretending to ignore that the suggestion wasn’t _strictly _platonic, and made a vague acceptance without committing to a date. At the time, he had been mildly repulsed by her offer, as he still is, but he nearly feels compelled to fill his weekend with at least one attempt to address the depressingly empty void of his romantic life.__

____

He settles for the gym as he considers just how high his pain tolerance might be when it comes to enduring Caroline’s presence. He’s resolved that the answer is not high enough and the muscles in his back are just beginning to burn when his phone pings with the notification that he reserves for work-related numbers. 

____

Rey: _Snoke update- the basketball team Mitaka mentioned is at the same private school that Sarah Shan sent her son to. We should follow up with the private school and Mill elementary. ___

______ _ _

“Fuck,” Ben mumbles, pushing his hair off his forehead with his palm. 

______ _ _

Ben: _Monday? ___

________ _ _ _ _

Rey: _If you want. They have a tournament game today at 2pm too. ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben: _I’ll be there. Are you coming? ___

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey: _Yeah- I’ll text you the address. ___

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben feels relief at the news of the task. He wonders if it’s unusual that he isn’t mourning the fact that his weekends are slowly being hijacked by work events. But as he showers, his stomach starts to develop into a pit of dread. He suspects that whoever they speak to at the event are likely to have close personal relationships with Snoke. If that’s the case, he knows that they’ll surely mention the presence of two detectives asking pointed questions.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The idea of having Snoke as an enemy makes panic rise in his throat. Somewhere deep down he knows that the man will resort to anything necessary to keep his secrets hidden. With a shock of terror, he realizes there is nothing he can do to keep Rey from it, either. He ponders this as the scalding water assaults his skin, slowly turning cold. There _has _to be an out. Snoke will probably focus on him anyways- Ben is the one who has a family with the political clout necessary to actually get him arrested, and Snoke knows him personally. Ben thanks whatever deity there is that Snoke had seen him while he was alone at the gala. He doesn’t know about Rey yet.__

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When he gets out of the shower he immediately texts her again.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben: _Are you sure you want to sacrifice your weekend? Maybe you should just get some rest. ___

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He silently prays that she’ll take the bait.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey: _You’re the one walking around like a zombie. I’m worried if I don’t come you’ll fall asleep during questioning. ___

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“ _Fuck _,” he says again, this time with more emphasis than he had at the gym. He tosses his phone at his bed.__

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It pings again, and he curses himself as he walks back to pick it up.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey: _I’ll pick you up this time. ___

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He sighs, nearly trying to put his phone in his pocket before realizing he is wearing a towel instead of his usual work slacks. He changes into a more casual ensemble, realizing the slacks would stick out like a sore thumb at a children’s basketball tournament. When he pulls a sweater over his head, Rey lets him know that she’s leaving her apartment. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He scrambles food together in the kitchen before he has to leave, cutting up apples while take-out leftovers are heating up in the microwave. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He’s just finished stacking his dishes when he hears Rey’s knock at the door, which he can reach from his kitchen entryway in a single lunge. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When he swings the door open, he struggles between the urge to laugh and the urge to bundle Rey in blankets. She looks absolutely miserable, her hair tied back in her three buns without the usual care that she affords them, her brow furrowed and dark circles maring the freckled skin underneath her eyes. She’s uncharacteristically pale and wearing sweatpants. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rey…” Ben starts. “What the fuck are you doing?”

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She looks up at him with an expression that borders on murderous. She crosses her arms. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Shut up. I can work.”

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You look like you’re about to throw up on my floor.” He says, struggling to keep his face blank despite the equal parts joy he feels at the fact that he now has a reason to make her stay home and empathy for her clearly apparent suffering. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I think I already got that out of my system,” she mumbles at his collarbone, not willing to meet his eyes. 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Here,” he says swinging the door wider after a moment of consideration. “You can stay here while I go to the game. I have Netflix and HBO and I’m pretty sure I have some Gatorade in the fridge.” 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She shakes her head vehemently, some of her hair slipping to freedom at the motion. “Ben, if you make me stay here, I will personally strangle you.” 

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Doesn’t sound like a bad way to go _, he thinks, slowly realizing she’s not likely to give in.__

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He gives it one last effort. “Rey. Come on.”

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His hopes die at the second shake of her head. “There’s no way you’re getting rid of me. This is our first interview on this case.” She’s put her hands on her hips. “There’s absolutely no way,” she repeats.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He nods and makes himself inhale and exhale deeply before he grabs his phone and keys. 

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Alright. Let’s try and make it quick then.” 

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey drives a rather battered, boxy, red Volkswagen that Ben thinks fits her perfectly. She has jazz on when they climb in, but she quickly changes it to a CD of folksy ballads before they pull out of her parking spot. They don’t say anything to each other on the ride over, the usually quiet comfort they have around each other replaced by anxiety the closer they get to the school. Ben realizes how afraid he is to come face to face with the children who partially depend on them for their safety. He doesn’t take his job lightly, but he expects it will make their job slightly more real. 

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When they arrive, the school parking lot is crowded with cars, their trunk windows littered with stickers. He notices several of them are the initials PHPS, which he assumes stands for Pleasant Hill Private School when he sees the large placard with the school name at the entrance of the building. 

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The front door is open, and Ben and Rey slip inside, following the straggling parents making their way to the gymnasium. Within a few feet of the entrance, they can start to hear the yells of the teammates and the squeak of rubber sneakers on the polished gym floor, disrupted by the steady, deep _thunk, thunk _of the dribbling.__

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben and Rey strategically planned their arrival for when they guessed the game would be ending, but it seems like the event either got a late start or is dragging on for longer than necessary. Parents are chatting on the bleachers with their spouses and other parents or shouting at the coach. 

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It takes Rey and Ben a few moments to decipher which coach was for Pleasant Hill. Once they did, they try to cross the room as inconspicuously as possible, taking a seat in the middle of the section of the bleachers next to a couple with matching grey t-shirts on. 

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As soon as they sit down, Rey’s head collapses into her palms, her elbows perched on her folded knees. 

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You okay?” Ben eyes her wearily from the seat next to her.

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“ _No _!” She spits back at him from underneath her hands.__

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He gives her back a hesitant, sympathetic pat as he tries to pass the time by watching the game. He quickly finds that watching the kids makes anger at Snoke cloud his vision and threaten to make him try and break the bleachers, so he ends up mimicking Rey, his head between his hands and staring at the grain of the bleachers below them, counting as he bounces his knee up and down. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Pst,” Rey says somewhere to his right. “Are you getting sick too?” 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He kicks her leg, calculating it so it’s more of a nudge against her calf and unlikely to hurt. She chuckles. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After exactly two hundred and nineteen deep breaths, the whistle blows and ends Ben’s misery. When he looks over, he thinks Rey is beginning to actually look green. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do you want to sit here for a minute?” 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She just nods. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They watch as the teams line up and shake each other’s hand, murmuring “good game”, hands outstretched. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The woman seated next to them asks “Which one is yours?”, clearly glancing between Rey and Ben. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Ummmm…” Rey starts, looking between the woman and Ben as if asking for his help. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He very deliberately does not look over at them. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We’re just here for work,” she finishes.

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The woman recognizes this for the odd statement that it is, but blessedly says nothing. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As the parents start to collect their children, Ben stands up to approach the coach and Rey, to Ben's dismay, follows. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Excuse me,” Ben manages as civilly as possible. The man they approach is still red in the face from shouting at his team, blotchy patches maring his cheeks. “Are you the coach of the Pleasant Hill team?” 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The man nods. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey opens her mouth, taking an inhale and getting out the beginning rush of a word before Ben interrupts- “We’d like to ask you a couple questions.” He holds up his badge, his name clearly visible. 

______________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey throws him a look somewhere between _fuck you _and _why the fuck? _____

_________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He realizes he’s positioned himself a couple inches in front of her, so it looks like shes hoovering at the edges of the conversation. _Oh well _, he thinks. _She can be mad at me later. _____

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The man looks at him considerately, his face guarded. “About what?”

____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben takes a deep breath. _This is it _, he thinks, _the point of no return.___

_______________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Alistair Snoke.” 

_______________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The man’s eyes narrow slightly as he turns to look at the court, refusing to make eye contact. “That’s not a question.” 

_______________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben resists the urge to retort _I didn't say it was. ___

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We know that he’s provided the team with funding. Who receives it? Handles it?” Ben asks instead.

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I do.” His eyes haven’t moved from the quickly emptying court.

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“How often does he come to the games, Mr...?” Rey asks. She’s shoved her way up beside Ben, now fully in the man’s range of vision. 

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I don’t know… maybe once a month.” The man lets out an exasperated sigh, ignoring Rey’s request for a name. “What’s this about?” 

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m sorry, we’re not at liberty to reveal that information.” Ben says, quickly growing very annoyed with the interaction. “Would you be willing to provide a name and phone number if we have any further questions?”

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The man begrudgingly complies, entering his cell phone number along with the name “Gordon O’Molloy” into Ben’s phone.

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What the hell Ben!” Rey hisses under her breath as they make for the exit. “What was that about?”

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He looks at her, attempting to look surprised. “I just thought I’d take the lead since you’re not feeling well!” 

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That’s some bullshit.” They’re outside by this point. 

_________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“ I don’t know what you want me to say.” _I didn’t want him to see your badge. I don’t want him to know your name. ___

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She huffs. “Well just don’t do it again. Even if I’m about to vomit.” She settles against the red of her car as they reach their parking space.

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben eyes the exit over Rey’s shoulder and taps his fingers against his thigh, calculating. “Why don’t you let me drive? I know this drugstore with a redbox right next to a tea shop. We can get you all set up with some ginger tea and your drug of choice.” 

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He finally looks at her, and her eyebrows are raised skeptically.

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Pepto and movies. Whatever you want,” he adds.

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She tosses her keys at him in answer, already moving toward the passenger side. When Ben goes for the driver’s seat, he realizes he can’t fit in until he pulls the seat all the way back. The result is that he awkwardly hops out of the car, never fully folding himself in. 

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey snickers at his conundrum, leaning her head against the airbag. When he’s finally settled, he pretends to want to change the music before he backs out, all the while sneaking glances at the exit. 

___________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben spots O’Molloy’s red capped head just as he’s inserting a playlist titled _Best of the 90s _. Rey groans at the selection, proclaiming that the music is too angsty for the current level of misery she’s in.__

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Fine, you pick something then,” Ben retorts as he follows behind the Ford that O’Molloy climbed into. He lets a single car stay between the two vehicles, more for trying to keep Rey from noticing he’s tailing O’Molloy rather than the man himself. Rey, distracted by picking out a new CD, seems both too focused and miserable to notice. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey slides in the folksy ballads CD that Ben had insisted on changing, and when the singers voice comes shaking through her stereo (with one blown speaker) she starts singing along, emphasizing the words enough that it’s clear she’s rubbing in her victory.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben shakes his head in disdain.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Now that they’re driving, Rey is keeping a sharp eye on the road ahead of them. Ben hopes it’s merely to prevent any additional nausea she might accrue via motion sickness.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What’d you think?” He asks, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She considers the road for a moment. “He seemed edgy as fuck.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“In a conspirator way?”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She pauses. “Maybe.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He fails to reply. As O’Molloy continues in the wrong direction as the drugstore, Ben follows, silently planning his explanation to Rey. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I think we should talk to Sarah Shan again,” he finally says after minutes of Donnie and Joe Emerson’s crooning filling the car.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“To talk about the school?” Rey asks, referencing the fact that Sarah’s son attended. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That, and her firing.” 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey looks surprised. “Why the firing? I don’t think that’ll help our case much.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben sighs. “Look, too many people have told us that he’s doing other shady shit. We have to follow that.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He probably is. And I agree we should maybe ask Sarah to see if anything relates to this case,” Rey looks like she’s choosing her next words carefully. “But we have to be careful, Ben. We can’t start investigating things we haven’t been assigned. It’s illegal- and we could get the evidence thrown out.” 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben knows she’s right, but he accepts that he doesn’t care as he notes the address of the house O’Molloy turned into. He drives a few blocks before letting out a groan, pulling over.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Fuck. I’m lost.” He pulls out his phone, putting in the address for the tea shop next to the drugstore. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey seems a bit surprised, but blessedly not suspicious. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When they finally get to their official destination, Rey proclaims her undying love for medicinal teas, moving through the gallon containers of loose chamomile and lavender, rooibos, oolongs, and holy basil. Ben immediately picks out the container filled with ginger and dried lemon tea, letting Rey sniff it as he lifts the lid for her. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He ends up buying her several ounces of the ginger tea, along with a black tea mixed with dried coconut and cocao. He picks up an assortment of anti-nausea medications and hydration from the drugstore next door as Rey picks something from the redbox. When he meets her outside and spots her movie selection, he can’t help but groan. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“The Princess Bride?”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She just smirks. “You said my choice.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’re a walking cliche,” he mutters under his breath. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Come on,” she says as they climb inside the car, Ben still electing to drive. “You’re going to enjoy watching it. How long has it been?”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Probably not since I was twelve and my mom forced me to,” he grumbles.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey laughs, settling her head on the window. “You might enjoy it more as an adult. The romance was probably lost on you.” She looks considerate for a moment. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“And the humor,” she adds. “I bet you were a super serious kid.”

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben shoots her a glance, slowing for a red light. “You have no idea,” he says lowly, drawing out the vowels of the last two words to let her know that he’s teasing.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m going to ask Leia about it,” she says, grinning widely. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Oh god. Please don’t,” he says, genuinely panicked at the idea of what she might tell her. “She probably has some horrible stories I don’t remember.” 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Probably not worse than what I can come up with in my head.” 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’d be surprised.".

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey doesn’t reply, and after a minute he can hear her softly humming. He likes this song more than the others, and he can feel the edginess from the experience with O’Molloy start to slide away. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

By the time they’re settled in his apartment, the tense feeling in his body has completely faded. Rey is curled on his couch, wrapped up in the duvet that he had pulled off his bed for her with his mug in her hands. She had insisted on making the tea herself, proclaiming that she wasn’t completely helpless, and when she was done she brought Ben a cup of the black tea she had picked out. She had put cream and what he suspected was a light dusting of sugar in it, and it tasted wonderful. The domesticity of it all opens up a wound somewhere within him that longs for the regular sight of her curled up in his bedding.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben props his feet up on the coffee table as the movie starts. “I can’t believe you’re making me watch this.” 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After the first thirty minutes, however, he realizes that Rey was right. The humor, that as an adolescent was either cringeworthy or too mature, is now endearing and apparent. He’s fully invested by the time Westley is "dead". Rey, he realizes, is not as invested- being completely asleep. He smiles as he turns the volume down. After sitting through the rest of it, Rey is still sprawled on her side of the couch, and Ben is unsure of what to do with himself.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He goes back to his room, scribbling the address of O’Molloy on a piece of paper and sliding it into his wallet. 

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He eyes his laptop, considering doing follow up research on O’Molloy. He sits down on his bed, prepared to work, and is hit with a wave of tiredness. He decides to lay down, and within minutes he joins Rey in succumbing to his own exhaustion.

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voila! 
> 
> Sorry our babies like to use so much language. I can't help it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update! This is a flashback scene from Ben's POV. Hope you all enjoy:)

_Six months earlier: ___

____

Ben and Rey stood at the entrance of a battered apartment building. It was one of their earlier investigations together, and he and Rey had been working on a case of a man who was allegedly connected to multiple arrests of opioid abuse. The whole investigation had dragged from lead to lead, until eventually, they stood at the precipice of an arrest or a quickly southbound confrontation. They had decided to meet a source and his partner at a nondescript location to exchange information on the address of a warehouse. Their guns were holstered at their hips, which is a rare protection for most of their field work. 

____

Their rhythm as partners had easily established itself. Ben quickly felt comfortable working together. However, he found it distinctly _un _comfortable to be out in the open with her without the protection of walls and cover. They had knocked on the door multiple times, and the radio quiet from inside the building made his hair stand on end.__

______ _ _

They were completely silent. Rey shot him a loaded look, silently both imploring and decisive. 

______ _ _

Ben kicked open the door, its hinges submitting with an almighty crack. 

______ _ _

The room was dingy, with streams of sunlight filtering through the particles of dust floating in the air, disturbed by Ben’s forced entrance. It was otherwise completely empty, devoid of furniture and - more importantly - the sources who had promised to meet them there.

______ _ _

Rey had pulled her gun upon entrance, and Ben was quick to mirror her, fanning out to line the single door on the opposite end of the room. 

______ _ _

The silent communication returned, and this time, Rey was the one to subject the door to her blows. 

______ _ _

When Ben first saw them, Ben thought the two men inside the back room were perhaps captives. They were sickly looking, pale and gaunt in a haunting way. Their eyes looked sunken - their mouths black pits in their emaciated faces. 

______ _ _

He quickly realized they were _not _captives when he saw the gun one of the men was holding out in front of him.__

________ _ _ _ _

He looked like he barely knew how to use it - he was alternating between pointing it at Ben and Rey. 

________ _ _ _ _

Ben had been in this situation countless times. Not only had he been thoroughly trained to deal with armed suspects, but experiencing it had fostered a muscle memory that seemed to have embedded itself somewhere in the recesses of his mind. 

________ _ _ _ _

Rey was clearly following this artificial instinct. Her gun was still pointed, but she was speaking in a low, calming tone. Her stance had shifted so that her face was clearly visible, and she was inching away from Ben so that the man would find alternating the gun to be more cumbersome. 

________ _ _ _ _

“ _Please put the gun down, _” she said, her voice curiously devoid of fear. She carefully enunciated each word. “We don’t want anyone to get hurt. We’ll put our guns down once you put your gun on the ground.”__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

The man’s hand was shaking. He had stopped rotating between Ben and Rey, and was now focused on her. Panic started to rise in Ben’s throat, cold and tight.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He felt removed from himself. He gripped his gun tighter in order to reinforce that he could control his body, that he could feel and act and die. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

The other man had stayed silent, cowering in the corner. He was eying the confrontation between his partner and Rey with a detached blankness. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next few moments passed in that haze that was simultaneously torturously slow and so unconscious they were nearly a blur. Ben knew he other man was high. He decided he wasn’t much of a threat in his state, and so when the gunman’s attention momentarily shifted to his partner on the floor, Ben felt himself burst into action. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

He lunged for the gun, immediately whipping the man’s hand away from Rey and pulling it up against him so that he had to drop it. Ben distantly heard Rey let out a cry of surprise in response to his movement, and the next moment, the gun had been kicked toward her and he was cuffing the two men. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey was stoney-faced as they handed over the two men to the police and filled out reports of the event. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

She didn’t speak to him until they were driving back to the department, her hands gripped tightly at the wheel. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What the fuck was that?” Her tone was cool and emotionless. She refused to look at him, unrelentingly staring straight at the road ahead. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben said nothing. 

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“That’s not how you fucking deescalate! Going for someone’s gun is _dangerous _, Ben,” he was marginally relieved to hear the anger in her voice. It was reassuring compared to her previous iciness.__

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When she spoke again, her voice sounded small and soft. “You could have gotten me killed.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knew she was trying not to hurt him. But regardless, he felt like his heart had stopped. She was right, and he _hated _himself for it.__

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The feeling was as dark and seductive as it was painful. He had disregarded all of his training because of his fear, and had ended up putting her life in even more danger than it already was. 

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I didn’t mean to,” he finally choked out. It wasn’t an apology. _I was so afraid to lose you _. The realization hit him with a force that made it hard to take in a breath. His self-hatred felt all consuming.__

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m sorry. I think maybe I should take a few days of leave.” He worried he sounded as broken as he felt. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey’s silence was her agreement.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Luke called him in to discuss his “job performance” as soon as he got back later that week. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He was prepared for Luke to raise his voice at him - to lecture him on the proper ways to diffuse situations when a weapon is involved and how irresponsible it was of him to act the way he did. Ben walked into his office already pissed off. He could chastise himself all he wanted, but he’d be damned if Luke did. He couldn’t help the resurgence of old resentments of Luke from cropping up in these moments. They’d always resorted to shutting down his anger rather than talking him through it. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As he entered his office, Luke’s attention was fixated on the mountain of sprawled files and folders on top of his desk, and he switched between reading reports and typing on his computer. Only when Ben sat down did Luke look up.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He sat there for a few seconds, taking in the sight of his nephew with a calm, measured gaze. The attention made Ben feel uncomfortable. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“How are you?” Luke seemed tired, his eyes bleary with exhaustion and the stress of a long week. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This only made Ben tense up more. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m fine.”

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He gave Ben measured look, his gaze feeling heavy. Then he sighed. “You’ve always let your emotions rule you, Ben.”

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben clenched his jaw, willing himself to remain silent. He knew Luke was right, at least in this case.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Luke eyed him considerately, choosing his next words carefully. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What happened was a perfect example of why, when you go to work, your emotions need to be checked at the door.” 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben’s gaze lingered on the individual grains of wood of Luke’s desk. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Luke sighed. “If you can’t do that with Rey, I’ll assign you a new partner.” 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The room was quiet for a few moments, and Ben’s mind felt wiped blank. Luke’s words were emphasized in such a way that his hidden meaning was obvious. The shock of Luke’s accusation never comes, and Ben realizes that part of him had always known it would come to this. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I see you’ve misconstrued my feelings toward my coworker.” Ben began, fists clenched. “I was merely concerned for her safety. I won’t respond that way in the future.” 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

With that, he stormed out of Luke’s office, tight lipped and seething. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His anger at Luke mingled with creeping acceptance. He knew he was right; he had known from the drive back that he had put Rey in danger. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There was no use in delaying the inevitable. He spent the rest of the day shrugging off Rey’s questioning glances and burying himself in monotonous case work. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

From that moment on, Ben shut himself out of thinking about her during his free time. He went to sleep at night by brushing up on his cases.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started shortening the chapters- but they might return to previous lengths if you all have a preference. With shorter chapters I can update more frequently. 
> 
> I live on comments - pls feed me
> 
> If you don't have an AO3 account and would like to know when the fic is updating, I post on twitter @bensslipperyso1

When Rey finally wakes, she’s incredibly disoriented. Waking up in a living space that is not her own jolts her, and she reminded of the time she spent bouncing between foster homes, never fully settling into whatever space she was inhabiting. But the duvet surrounding her smells like Ben, and she quickly recovers. 

The nausea from early that morning had eased considerably, and she wonders how much is due to the tea or to the medication Ben had bought. As she glances around, she deduces that he had left her to doze instead of waking her after the movie ended. He’s nowhere to be found in the living space, however, and she quietly pads on bare feet over his wood floors to his bedroom. 

His door is open, and most of his room is clearly visible from the entryway. Despite having seen the rest of his apartment, she’s never seen his bedroom. Its spartan, but still distinctly Ben. He uses dark colors to decorate, which would be distracting if his walls weren’t white. The sleek modern design of his bed-frame and nightstands further makes up for the overwhelming presence of slate sheets and the charcoal sketches on his walls. 

Ben is sprawled across the mattress on his back, his laptop wedged between his arm and his stomach like he had been working, and his right arm is lolling off the side. His face is turned toward his window that is slowly darkening as the evening sets in. 

It takes Rey a few moments to realize something is wrong. On closer inspection, Ben’s arm is tensed, and his brow is furrowed instead of relaxed in the usual blankness of sleep. When she crosses the entryway, his head jerks suddenly and he lets out a choked gasp. 

Alarmed, she doesn’t hesitate in trying to shake him awake. Her hands wrap around his arm, but still within the dream, he pulls himself out of her gasp. 

“Ben! Hey!” She rasps, trying to be gentle in her tone so as not to put him more on edge, but loud enough to rouse him.

At her quiet exclamation, his eyelids start to flutter open, and she lets out a breath and summons a reassuring smile. 

“Hey,” she repeats, once he’s fully awake and looking up at her. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice rough with sleep. 

She suddenly feels awkward, like she needs to explain herself. “You were having a nightmare. I had to wake you up.” 

Ben just nods, running rough a hand over his eyes to bring him out of his foggy state. 

He reaches in front of her for his phone, which he’d rested on his nightstand’s stack of books entitled _America’s Favorite Poem _and _Philosophy of the 21st Century _. He checks the time briefly, turning onto his side.____

_____ _

“How are you feeling?” He asks. Rey is fascinated by the way his voice sounds. It’s even deeper than usual, which she’s surprised is even possible, and the gentle gruffness of it suits him. It takes her a moment to reply.

_____ _

“I’m feeling a lot better. Who knew sleep and medicine could work such wonders.” 

_____ _

Ben’s face shifts in a soft, tired smile. She suspects that either the sleep or the nightmare is still hanging on to him. 

_____ _

That intruding feeling from earlier returns. “Well... Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch. I should probably head out.” 

_____ _

Ben’s brows furrow. “Do you have something you have to do? I don’t mind if you stay.” The statement seems genuine, as opposed to the polite exit banter that normally precedes a departure. It does, in fact, seem like he minds. Rey thinks she catches a note of desperation in his voice. _Definitely the nightmare then._

_______ _ _ _

“I don’t have anything. I’m starving though. I think I’m finally ready to eat.” 

_______ _ _ _

Ben stretches his arms above his head, his hands hitting the headboard and the sleeves of his t-shirt sliding to reveal the contours of his biceps. Rey feels uncomfortable with the fact that her eyes linger, and decides that she might be delirious. 

_______ _ _ _

“I’ll make something,” Ben says, finally sitting up. “Do you think you could stomach pasta? I might have some soup in the pantry too…” 

_______ _ _ _

She nods. “I can do pasta. Whatever you’re having,” she replies, scrambling off of his bed when he swings his legs over. 

_______ _ _ _

Ben turns on music while he cooks. To her surprise, he doesn’t play classical, but rather retro jazz. When he catches her surprised face, he looks genuinely confused. 

_______ _ _ _

“What?” he asks, pausing mid stride in his step to the fridge, mozzarella in hand. 

_______ _ _ _

“You’re playing jazz?” Rey eyes him skeptically from where she’s perched on his bar, Ben’s laptop in front of her. The stools are industrial looking, and she has to adjust the way she’s sitting every couple minutes so she's not in pain. 

_______ _ _ _

“Yes… I like jazz,” he replies with his back turned, continuing to chop fresh tomatoes. “You like jazz too, right?” 

_______ _ _ _

She makes a noise of affirmation, opening his laptop to start doing research on O’Molloy. 

_______ _ _ _

A preliminary google search yields virtually nothing, just the typical clickbait arrest records and social media advertisements for “Frank O’Molloy” and “Gordon O’Malley”. Rey searches for “Pleasant Hill Private School basketball team” along with his name, and this is considerably more effective. A facebook page for the team is the top hit, which Rey scans carefully while Ben is still moving about in the kitchen. 

_______ _ _ _

Most of the content is mothers posting videos and pictures from the game, typically of their kids scoring, interspersed with game schedules and carpooling arrangements.

_______ _ _ _

Notably, Sarah Shan or her son are not present in any of the pictures or carpool schedules. Some part of her had been expecting this, and when she fails to find any connection between the team and Shan, she feels nervous. In retrospect, perhaps the case had been going too well - but the inevitable regression towards the mean is nonetheless a shock. 

_______ _ _ _

Closing the laptop, she turns her attention back to Ben, who is now finishing the sauce he’s making from scratch. 

_______ _ _ _

“I don’t think Shan has any connection to the team,” she says, trying to not let disappointment color her voice. 

_______ _ _ _

She can’t see his face, as he’s turned toward the stovetop, but she can see his dark head bob slightly as he spoons noodles into two bowls. 

_______ _ _ _

“We can ask her about it. When we talk to her,” he says, placing the food in front of her. It looks delicious- he’s scattered fresh basil on top, and chunks of mozzarella are melting into the dish. 

_______ _ _ _

She takes a bite, and lets out a muffled groan. Ben freezes in his path to the seat beside her, an expression on his face that looks like he’s in pain. 

_______ _ _ _

“Did you step on something?” She asks around her mouthful of noodles.

_______ _ _ _

He sets his bowl down. “No,” he says, quickly recovering from whatever pain he had. 

_______ _ _ _

“It’s really good. And I know it’s not just because I haven’t eaten all day.”

_______ _ _ _

He takes a bite and chews considerately. “I think it passes my _higher _standards,” he says as he pulls the stretch of mozzarella with the noodles onto his fork.__

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey scrunches her nose at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“That you’ll eat anything someone puts in front of you when you’re hungry.” He’s softly smiling into his food. Without the subtle expression, Rey might have been angry at the statement. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _

—

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey calls Sarah Shan from the office on Monday. Ben looks on as she picks up the phone with wary, tired dark eyes. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and he was resting his head on his right arm. She thinks of his nightmares, and suspects he isn’t getting much sleep. Her heart pangs at the thought. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

When Shan answers, her voice sounds strained - tightly wound, a snake ready to strike at prey.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Have you arrested him yet?” There is no hello, no hedging. Rey is only slightly surprised.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“No,” she tries to be as efficient as she growingly suspects Shan is. “Would you be willing to talk to my partner and I? We have a few follow up questions.” 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

The other line is silent for a few moments. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“You can come by in the afternoon,” her voice is still tense, slightly forced and dangerous. “You have my address?” 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey knows they do, but she spares the file open in front of her a cursory, confirmatory glance. She nods, only for her own benefit.. “We’ll see you at five,” she replies, hanging up the phone with detached efficiency. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Ben swivels his chair away, having watched the exchange silently from his desk. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“You catch that?” She addresses his back.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Shan at five?” 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Yes. Let’s go to Mill Elementary now then.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey thinks that she sees Ben’s shoulders tighten fractionally as he rotates back in her direction. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

He seems resigned when he meets her gaze and nods, awaiting the hangman’s noose with a quiet fear and acceptance.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey insists on driving to the school, arguing that Ben is likely to fall asleep at the wheel. She had shoved a travel cup of coffee into his hands on their way out, which he had gracefully taken and currently nursed quietly as they approached the red brick of Mill Elementary. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Chain link fencing surrounds a recess area, in which about thirty children are playing. A few girls on the swings let out peels of laughter as their bubble-gum pink jacketed bodies vault into the air before falling back down, a shrieking, syncopated pendulum. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey eyes them as they walk inside, her heart constricting in her chest. She tries to stifle the fear that she can't protect them, that she alone is responsible for their well-being. Ben keeps his eyes locked at the front entrance, unbreaking his gait until he reaches the bricked archway and rings the buzzer, holding his badge up to the clearly visible security camera. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

His jaw is clenched, lips pursed. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

They’re buzzed in after a few moments, and Ben brushes his hand against her lower back to let her squeeze through the narrow doorway first. Rey shivers a little, and Ben follows close enough that he doesn’t need to give the door an extra nudge. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey and Ben are led into a rather cramped office space by a receptionist with ruddy cheeks and overly round, bald head. The man occupying the office, whom Rey assumes is the principal, is haggard looking. His skin sags at the corners of his mouth, which he routinely twists to bite at his cheek. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Ben introduces himself lowly, briefly shaking the man’s hand. When the principal turns to Rey’s extended hand and she does the same, Ben lets out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering closed for a moment. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Neil said you had some questions about funding?” The principal asks, referencing the receptionist. The man - who introduced himself as Richie Parker - eyes Ben as he folds himself into one of the battered office chairs.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Yes,” Rey starts as she takes her own seat. “Particularly with regard to Allistair Snoke and the First Order.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Richie’s eyes flit between them. “We have an annual grant from him that includes a couple thousand dollars. He has been very generous; the grant has been in effect for over a decade. It speaks to Mr. Snoke’s dedication to improving Chicago’s communities.” 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

The whole speech seems too smooth and practiced to Rey. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“What are the stipulations?”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

She thinks Richie starts, surprised, but he recovers quickly. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“There are no stipulations, per se. Mr. Snoke offers a wonderful opportunity during the summers to receive early exposure to job opportunities in the manufacturing industry. Technically, we have to send a handful of our graduating students to the program each year, but it is always full and exceedingly competitive. We partner with our sister high school so that students who have attended the program have guaranteed jobs upon graduation.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Rey feels herself progressively tensing. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Is there a name for this program?” She manages to spit out. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Richie nods. “ _First Steps. _”__

_________ _ _ _ _ _


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this monstrosity of a chapter! 
> 
> Reminder that you can keep up with updates @bensslipperyso1

When Rey and Ben return to the office, they dive into follow-up work with slightly unhinged determination. 

Having the details about the program feels invigorating - gratifying in a way that make the hours pass with flowing, efficient brutality as they track down as much information as possible before they have to meet with Shan.

They had collected a list of recent student attendees of First Steps from the school, and Rey carefully scours the internet for anything connecting the now-adults to the company and contact information for further questioning. 

She has a modest list of names before she and Ben have to leave, extracting themselves from the nests they had respectively built at their desks. Rey discretely puts her shoes back on while Ben waits for her at the door. They’re both glad to be up and moving - Rey has a tight pain in her neck that had gotten progressively worse as she flitted between note taking and research. Ben’s foreboding scowl still remains, but the furrow in his brow has loosened. 

They walk to Shan’s, weaving between commuters with practiced efficiency as they try to beat the hordes of middle aged, weary looking business district employees. Shan’s townhouse is nestled between two ancient, craggy trees that protrude onto the pavement - leaves whispering softly. The home itself oozes wealth, all sleek chrome and glass. 

Shan opens the door quickly after Rey knocks, gesturing for them to come in - unblinking. 

The home seems rather sanitary to Rey, lacking the signs of life typical of living spaces: messy countertops, unfinished activities, and framed photographs. It’s not only too clean, but the design itself is distinctly impersonal - the patterned rug too perfectly matches the cream upholstery and linen drapes. _Interior decorator_ and _a maid_. Shan herself matches the sterility of her living space, her dark hair slicked back in a severe low ponytail, emphasizing pointed cheekbones. Her blouse lacks a single wrinkle, and Rey wonders if she has someone else do her laundry as well. 

She gestures to a set of industrial stools lining her marble countertop. Rey and Ben settle as Shan remains standing over them, hovering as if to protect them. 

“My son isn’t here - you won’t be able to talk to him.” Her hands are poised on her hips, posture framed as if she’s daring them to argue.

Ben shakes his head. “We won’t need to today. We’d like to avoid revisiting the event with him as much as possible, and if we did, we would need both you and a psychologist present.” 

Her body seems to relax slightly, shoulders sagging in relief, some heavy weight lifted.

“Where is he?” Rey hears herself ask, thinking to avoid his entrance in the middle of the conversation. 

Shan doesn’t look bothered by the question, taking a moment to type out an email on the laptop perched on the faceted granite, swirling with dark and light. “He’s with his nanny. They went out for dinner.”

Ben starts to strum his fingers on the countertop, agitated. A songbird outside breaks the silence. “Mrs. Shan,” he starts, careful. “Could you tell us about your exit from First Order?”

A shadow falls over Shan’s face, defensiveness making her straighten. “I fail to see how this relates to our case,” she cuts.

Seeing Ben’s exasperation, Rey continues. “It is our job to collect all relevant information on the case. We would like to have the strongest case possible.”

“There isn’t much to tell. Snoke forced me out due to my carbon emissions proposal,” her face distorts in pure rage. “I suspect the fact that I was bringing CSA charges against him also had something to do with it.” The bitterness in her tone was so palpable Rey thought she could taste it in the air, dark and rich.

Ben looks unsurprised. “So blackmail?” Shan’s scowl confirms Ben’s supposition, and he huffs, settling back in the seat. “Can you tell us about Snoke’s connection to your son’s school?”

Shan looks blankly at him before he continues. “With the basketball team?”

“Was your son on it?” Rey follows, tone carefully neutral.

A flash of something that looks like confusion or surprise flashes across Shan’s face, distinctly out of place among her features. This woman is used to being at least two steps ahead of everyone around her. 

She casts her eyes upwards in thought. “No… I know he donated to them. I… I think the coach may have worked for the company previously?” She shrugs dismissively. “I can’t say that I interact with the faculty that often.”

Rey sighs before continuing, trying to keep her tone gentle and reassuring, despite her doubts that Shan would appreciate it. “You mentioned in the report that Snoke met your son at business functions in your home. I don’t mean to alarm you, but are there any other places that Snoke could have had access to your son? Or… other children?”

At this, Shan looks truly dangerous. Her eyes flash, some calculating quality animating the tension in her eyes and the pull of her mouth. Her voice is cold and quipped, enunciating each word carefully. “If I suspected that Snoke was abusing other children, I would have previously informed you of that fact.” 

Before she can reply, something Rey thinks is guilt replaces the coldness in Shan’s features. She quickly recovers, squashing it and resuming a careful, professional blankness. “As for access to my son, rest assured we’ve taken every precaution. There were, obviously, no other events that I know of. If you would like to be sure, you can contact his nanny - she keeps a more regular schedule.” She writes a name and phone number on the back of a business card as Rey looks around, trying to ignore the waves of confusion encroaching at Shan’s dismissal. Her breath catches when her eyes fall on a photograph of a young boy whose ears familiarly stick out his head, partially concealed by dark curls. His teeth are endearingly crooked, and she feels her heart wither in her chest. Ben’s gaze has followed hers, and when she glances at him his expression is unreadable - which Rey finds disquieting. 

Rey takes the extended business card wordlessly. 

“Thank you for your time Mrs. Shan,” Rey murmurs, nudging Ben with her shoulder as she gets up in an effort to break his gaze at the photograph. 

Ben says nothing as they leave Shan’s home, and Rey starts to become almost chipper in order to make up for his blank rudeness. When they get on the street Ben’s gait picks up unrelentlessly, and Rey grabs his shoulder in an effort to make him slow down. 

“Christ Ben, what’s up with you?” He only stops his pace for a moment before gently shrugging her off. 

“I need a drink,” he huffs, turning back around to look for something acceptable. 

Rey spots a falafel stand a block up, and she grabs his sleeve to pull him in that direction. Her efforts don’t do much - he’s too heavy for her to make much of an impact - but he starts to move behind her after a moment, recovering from his daze. Rey shoves him into a green metal fold up chair that the city had set up in the middle of the park neighboring the stand, and marches over to collect to beers from the vendor. She breathes a sigh of relief when her supposition is confirmed, returning to the table with two sea-green glass bottles. 

The chairs are wet, cold raindrops collecting on the metal bars, but she just scrunches her nose and braves it. 

Ben takes a sip of his drink. If Rey weren’t so familiar with his mannerisms, she would have interpreted his expression as thoughtful. But she knows his downturned mouth and tensed jaw for what it is - rage. 

She just sits and stares at him silently, waiting for him to begin. They sit there for several minutes, quietly nursing their drinks. Rey suspects he’s taking the time to calm down. 

When he finally speaks, his voice is pitched low, anger barely concealed. 

“She fucking knew about that program.” He doesn’t lift his gaze from the raindrops that have settled on the small table in front of them. 

Rey is unable to conceal the surprise on her face. It takes her a second too long to recover. “What? Why do you think that?”

His eyes finally flit up to meet hers, shaded through his lashes. Rey has never seen him look so terrifying. There’s an dark instability to him like this. 

“Didn’t you see her face after you asked about other opportunities? She was too defensive, then guilty.” 

Rey considers this for a moment. Ben could be right, but he’s taking running leaps on ice instead of the sure, gentle steps necessary for detective work. “I just interpreted it as guilt for snapping at me,” Rey mumbles as she takes a sip from her glass. _Don’t fall in the lake._

His jaw starts to work, instead of merely clenching. “She was too involved in the company not to know about it, regardless.” 

This strikes her as a better argument, and Rey says nothing. What would this mean? That Shan turned a blind eye to Snoke’s behavior? Is Shan complicit? If she did know about the program, her defensiveness to their questions certainly implicates that she knew about Snoke beforehand. 

“She fucking knew that potentially hundreds of other children were being abused. But when _her_ son is threatened - who she treats like a fucking _doll_ -” Ben is truly growling at this point, his face pale and eyes dark.

Rey is silent. She doesn’t know whether to logically push back on Ben’s assumptions, or to let his anger run its course and hope that his own mental checks come into play. But there is certainly space for him to be correct, and this nags at her. 

“She knew, and she still let Snoke around her son.” His voice is almost flat now - soft with a cold acceptance.

Rey’s chest starts to feel tight - and it takes her a moment to identify what she’s feeling. Anger. “No parent would do that, Ben.”

He seems transfixed by the water droplets, or the green of the metal. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t even acknowledge he’s heard her. On closer inspection - his eyes seem too blank to be observing anything - he’s somewhere else, inside his head, consumed with some memory or thought.

Rey tries to get his attention, and at his name, he finally looks up. “No parent would want that to happen to their child. In that, at least, she’s a victim in all this.”

He just looks at her, lost. The breeze moves his hair, and suddenly, Rey understands. 

She thinks of the picture, the boy’s ears and his dark hair and the parents who seem unavailable. 

_Oh, Ben._

She understands what it’s like to feel discarded - and the irrationality that comes from that emptiness that opens and festers in your chest. But she still wants to shake him. 

“She still loves him, Ben. Even if he has a nanny and she puts too much time into work.” 

_Your parents love you, damn it._

_It’s more than I’ve ever had._

He doesn’t respond - merely taking another drink and turning his gaze to the pedestrians crossing the park behind them. The blank glaze to his eyes has dissipated. 

They finish their drinks in silence, and then part ways.

\--

Rey has a date that evening. Her tall sparring partner at the Muay Thai gym had asked her out after their third session, looking so shy and sweet while Rey was sweating buckets, hair plastered to her flushed face. It was endearing to have someone so formidable-looking blush so thoroughly, so when she had gotten over her surprised hesitancy, she had said yes. 

She hasn’t been on a date since she had started work at the department - always too caught up in casework and just generally disinterested. Rey knows enough about her coworker’s (Kaydel's) romantic lives to know this isn’t exactly usual, but she lacks the energy to evaluate this particular facet of herself. She suspects if she picked it up, brushed it off and looked too closely, she would find something she wished she hadn’t. 

When she puts on a casual-enough dress and walks into the bar, she feels like she’s proven something. Her date, Marcus, is sitting by a window and scrolling through his phone. 

He’s nice enough - they talk about Muay Thai and when Rey mentions her hobby of restoring sixties-era tech he listens with interest. They exchange the usual details about work - he’s a nurse at a local hospital - and his eyes light up when she says she can’t give him any details about her cases, the mystery of it generating the excited enticement that it usually gets. 

Rey doesn’t know what she was hoping for, maybe nothing - but about two hours in, she’s aching for her bed with BB8 curled between her legs. 

“I’d better head back,” she manages between a lull in conversation. “I have some casework to catch up on.” 

He looks surprised that she’s calling it so early - but recovers quickly. “Let me walk you home,” he says smoothly, pocketing his wallet and heading for the door so quickly that Rey can’t find the time to refuse. 

She does anyway, awkwardly addressing his turned back. 

“Oh no its fine, it’s really just a block up.” He should know full well that she can take care of herself, anyways. 

He just looks back and smiles at her, either ignoring her or _insisting. ___

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The conversation lulls as Rey trugges up the hill to her apartment, hands shoved into her jacket. Her pace is quick, and he has to walk behind her on the narrow sidewalk. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She stops at her gate, turning to address him. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Thanks for walking me back.” She thinks that the underhanded snark in her voice is obvious, she had told him not to after all, but he seems oblivious. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’re not going to invite me up?” 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey’s face goes slack for a moment, and she struggles with the urge to hit him with her closed umbrella. “No. I said I was tired… Listen, it was nice getting to talk for a bit, but I really do want to get back.” 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She can see him bristle, posture straightening. “No need to be a bitch about it. You seem like you need a good lay. I was just trying to help.” 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey doesn’t bother replying, simply turning on her heel and letting herself in with her fob. When the heavy metal doors shut behind her, she breathes a sigh of relief. _The fucking nerve. ___

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She calls Finn once she gets into her apartment, greeting BB with her free hand, which keeps her from clenching either one in rage. He puts her on speakerphone - and Rose chimes in with echoes of _fuck that guy _, and _we’ll set you up with someone who isn’t such a dense fucking shitstain. _____

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She refuses with a giggle, delighted by Rose’s creativity. She wasn’t that excited about dating anyways.

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

\-- 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She and Ben are dead on their feet when they come into work. Staying up reading casework had not helped their existing streak of sleep deprivation, and when Ben hands her the coffee he’d brought her she accepts it with relief. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey is infinitely thankful that their desks are right next to each other. Ben had let slip that he was a huge chess fan when she had spotted a chess book on the side of his desk a month after she had joined the department. When Rey told him she was the star of her high school chess team, they’d started the tradition of playing one game a day using a small chess board hidden to the side of a stack of books on the place where their desks were joined. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He’d asked her how she had the time for chess club on top of all of the other extracurriculars she’d subjected herself to throughout high school. She’d shrugged, mentioning how being at school for as long as she could beat what it was like at her foster home. He’d bought them the chess board the following day. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Today, Ben is beating her. They’re about even in terms of overall skill, but Ben’s strength is in the middle game and winning material while Rey is better at planning countless moves ahead for well designed checkmates. He’s just taken her last knight and looks so smug about it. He knows it’s her favorite checkmating piece. Frustrated, she rolls her eyes and studies the board, looking for an escape from the way her queen and bishop are now pinned. She starts eating her lunch at her desk, and she and Ben silently agree to spend their lunch break finishing the game (though this wasn’t uncommon).

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Finn and Poe knew about their daily game, and came over to their desks when they were off for lunch. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“This is truly the nerdiest thing I’ve seen in my life,” Finn whispers loudly to Poe out of the corner of his mouth. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Shh!” Poe says, stroking his chin. “It’s best not to disturb them in their nerd habitat. Chess players… they’re very fragile creatures.” 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey sighs, trying her best not to smile. They did look pretty ridiculous, hunched over the board eating their matching spinach and strawberry salads (Ben was extremely healthy, and though Rey never cared about her nutrition, she started bringing the same thing once she tried how good his was). 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben looks up at Finn and Poe, scowling. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Chess is not nerdy,” Ben says, lips pursing primly. “It sharpens your ability to think ahead.” Rey hides a smile at his grumpiness. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Well regardless, the two of you need to get out of this office. And away from case work. Or work of any kind,” Finn adds. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Come out with us tonight! Drinks are on me,” Poe says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He has a point, Rey thinks. The two of them hadn’t gotten out much recently, and both of them could use a well deserved break. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben does not seem to agree. He’s resting his arms on either side of his chair, and scowling at Finn and Poe, twitching his mouth in what she knew was annoyance at the thought of having to be around _more _people when he got off from work. His lips keep readjusting in annoyance, which make the moles on his face move in a way Rey finds funny and… endearing. Rey sees a strand of black hair fall into his eyes, and has to fight the urge to tuck it behind his ear.__

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben meets her gaze and looks surprised to find her staring at him. Feeling like she had been caught doing something shameful, she turns back to Poe and Finn and their offer for plans. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We’d love to go. Ben included,” she says pointedly, trying to subdue him with her eyes as he lets out a small, stifled groan. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When they walk away, Ben looks murderous. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I will pay you back for this one day, you know,” he says darkly, clearly exhausted. Rey smiles sweetly at him and, turning her attention back to the chess board, takes the bishop he had left unprotected. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We’ll see.” 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

\--

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The place Poe and Finn picked is warm and strangely crowded for a Tuesday night. Loud music is playing in the background, and Rey realizes that it’s karaoke night when she sees the red advertising poster near the back of the room and a very drunk college student singing into a microphone. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Finn waves her over to where he, Ben, and Poe are standing near the bar. Finn is arguing heatedly with Poe, and has ordered a plate of buffalo wings that she absolutely _knows _he will not finish.__

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ben is holding some craft beer Rey doesn’t recognize, and seems considerably less stressed out watching Finn and Poe spar with a slightly amused expression. The dark circles under his eyes aren’t as noticeable in the warmer, amber lighting. When she joins the group, Ben automatically moves to make room for her at his side. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I can’t believe you!” Poe groans, flinging his head back dramatically. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rey, could you please explain to Poe that Jon is the only viable candidate for the throne. Daenerys is completely unpredictable at this point.” Finn slurs from beside him.

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What does that fucking mean? The only viable candidate? She’s been groomed for this since season one!” Poe yells, waving his hands around and spilling his beer. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Rey had only gotten there some thirty minutes after them, but Finn already looks like he’s had way too much to drink. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I don’t know, I might have to side with Poe on this one. Dany is extremely bad ass. Or they could rule together,” Rey says. At this, Poe sighs. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’ll never win against the two of you.” He pauses then, looking at Ben, who raises his eyebrows. “Ben, what do you think?” 

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“I haven’t seen it.” 

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The collective gasp from Poe and Finn is pure melodrama, and Rey hides her mirth behind Ben’s shoulder, laughing into the maroon of his sweater. 

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After Poe and Finn get over their indignation, exclaiming multiple variations of _Ben do you live under a rock? _, Finn looks up from what Rey guesses is his fourth or fifth drink with a glaze to his eyes.__

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“Rey… we’ve got the four best fighters in the office together!” He’s delighted by this observation, gesturing between the four of them. 

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“That’s right buddy,” Poe says, giving him a congratulatory pat on the back. “You two still haven’t sorted out the order though,” he adds, considerably more sober, gesturing to Rey and Ben. 

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Rey shrugs. “We’ll do it eventually. I think Ben wants to get some extra training in.” She playfully nudges his arm with her shoulder and sees Ben roll his eyes above her, lashes fluttering.

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Finn suddenly gasps sympathetically and goes to hug her. “My poor baby - I forgot. Come here.” Startled by his abrupt change of mood, Rey pulls away briefly before realizing what he’s referring to. _Fuck. _She had meant to avoid talking about this. She curses herself for mentioning training.__

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Ben and Poe are looking at them quizzically, and Rey takes the opportunity to hide her face against his shoulder as he hugs her. 

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“What?” Ben is the first to break the silence. He doesn’t say her name, but she knows the question is directed at her, his voice low and anticipatory. 

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Finn responds anyway, patting her back. “Some douchebag took her out last night.” 

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She finally pulls away, glancing up at Ben’s face, which has gone eerily still and blank.

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She desperately tries to think of something to change the topic, uncomfortable with the attention on her that’s quickly broaching pity.

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“I’m fine,” she protests - right as Poe asks “What happened?”, innocent as can be.

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She closes her eyes, pained. _Fuck._

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Finn gestures to her in supplication, wordlessly asking her to tell the story. She shakes her head, sinking against the bar and going for her drink. The acrid bitterness distracts her from her edginess for only a few moments. She decides to chug the rest and hope the alcohol will last longer. 

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When she’s downed the glass they are all still staring at her, mercilessly not changing the topic. She gives in. 

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“He called me a bitch. Said I needed a good lay.”

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She spits out the words, keeping her tone light. She punctuates it with a shrug, hoping this implies how _it’s really not a big deal anymore _. She resents seeming like she doesn't have thick skin. That something this trivial would upset her. The next person up for karaoke is singing Joni Mitchell slightly off key, and Rey wants to crawl out of her skin.__

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Poe let’s a hiss slide through his teeth, mumbling “What an ass”.

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Ben has remained silent, still and stoney. It’s the same face he had made the day before, after the meeting with Shan. Rey wants to shake him. 

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“It’s fine,” Rey emphasizes. “Honestly, I’m mostly just upset I lost my Muay Thai sparring partner.” 

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Rey can practically _see _Ben catalogue this information, and she bites her tongue. She needs to just stop talking - she half suspects that he’ll show up at the guy’s house. She knew he would react like this - that is, like it was his duty to frighten off the younger boys flirting with his _responsibility _. A hot flume of annoyance and hurt burns in her chest.____

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Finn pats her hand. Ben’s hands are clenching his beer a little too tightly. 

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“I’ll spar with you, if you want.” Ben finally speaks, voice perfectly neutral. Rey is left to wonder if she had imagined his anger or if she should be truly impressed with his emotional regulation. The telltale tension in his jaw implies it hasn’t truly dissipated, but she can tell he’s at least trying. It makes her soften.

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“Sure, yeah. But only if you don’t use it to scope out my weak points for our fight,” she adds, hoping to lighten the tone. Finn and Poe chuckle, and Ben’s mouth purses sheepishly. 

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“I would never.” 

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“If you see that douchebag, tell him we say hi,” Finn adds, words slurred, addressing Ben. 

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Ben actually manages a smile, lips quirking at the corners. 

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Rey gives Finn a fond smile. He and Poe really are some of her closest friends at the department, and the way they’re laughing all over each other, Poe’s arms keeping Finn upright makes her feel sentimental. Finn has buffalo sauce coating his fingers, and Poe is wiping it off and laughing. She feels a pang of empathy for Poe, who is looking at Finn like he’s the most precious thing in the room. _To love like that..._

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Ben’s voice interrupts her musing. 

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“I’m sorry about your date.”

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He was looking at her carefully, and speaking to her personally now that Finn and Poe were wrapped up in each other. 

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“It’s really okay. I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly.” Rey shrugs, her elbow coming up to rest on the bar so that she was facing him. “I’m not in a place where I want to date anyone anyway,” she adds, hoping this would help the way his mouth couldn’t seem to relax. 

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Her words don’t have this effect. Something close to hurt flits across his expression before he shuts it down and manages a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

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“That’s good,” he says simply. Rey can’t seem to shake the feeling that she was missing something in the way her words were interpreted, and recombs the sentence in her mind. Before she can place it, Ben’s strange smile is gone and he is changing the topic to the very shitty karaoke rendition of Toxic that’s being performed onstage. 

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“I’m surprised you even know who Britney Spears is, Ben,” Rey says, raising an eyebrow. 

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“I’m not _completely _hopeless when it comes to pop culture,” he responds dryly. “Just generally unpracticed,” he adds with a straight face.__

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Rey hides a grin. She remembers the first time she’d forced Ben to listen to one of her playlists while they were on the subway, citing that Lady Gaga was actually a Juilliard graduate while she handed him an earbud. He’d listened to it in its entirety, and though he wrinkled his nose at the end she caught him humming the chorus the next day at work. 

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Rey is about to recount the memory to him when Ben’s eyes slide from where they were resting on her face to a spot slightly behind her. His eyes are horrified for a second, and once Rey has enough sense to turn around, the damage had already been done — Finn is wobbling his way over to the microphone. 

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“Oh, god,” Rey says, looking for Poe, who she sees near the microphone holding up his phone to record Finn singing. Rey covers her eyes when he climbs up onto the stage, and Ben can’t contain a burst of laughter as he purrs out the opening lines of _Tiny Dancer _, and seeing him like that — head thrown back and laughing in what feels like forever — makes something in her shift. She’s never felt so desperate to just keep someone _safe _. The Snoke investigation must be getting to her, too. When he quiets down, she’s still staring at him.____

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“What?” he asks, laughter ebbing from his features. 

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“Nothing,” Rey says quickly. She smiles. “I’m just happy you know Elton John.” 

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After Finn’s song ends, Poe decided he is going to see that he got home in one piece. Rey fondly waves goodbye to Finn’s form slumped around Poe’s back. 

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Ben’s cheeks are still flushed from the heat of the bar, and have only just started to fade to their normal color by the time they walk out together. It had started to rain an hour earlier, and when Ben automatically opens an umbrella and starts to walk with Rey in the direction of her house, she finds she’s much more pleased with the situation than she was with her date. 

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The umbrella is small and her and Ben are two very different sizes, so eventually Ben starts to crouch a little so the umbrella covers more of Rey’s head. It’s freezing outside, so when Rey slips her arm through Ben’s he doesn’t seem to mind the added warmth. Plus, it makes it easier for the umbrella to cover the both of them. _It logistically makes the most sense _, she thinks firmly. She ignores the way she’s clinging to his elbow, the side of her face hesitantly brushing against his upper arm to steal some of the warmth hidden there. And she firmly shuts down any discussion in her mind of noticing the way his sweater smells.__

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They walk in comfortable silence for the most part. Ben seems lost in his thoughts, but is very aware of Rey’s body next to his. She doesn’t miss the way a little bit of the right side of his body is being rained on to keep her dry. 

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He walks her up the stairs to the front door of her apartment building that is blessedly covered by an awning. When she lets go of his arm to find her keys, the absence of contact makes her feel disappointed. 

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“Well, I should… go up now,” she says, gesturing to the door but not moving her feet. They’re facing each other now, Ben still holding the umbrella above his head. The wind is making the rain slant, and Rey tucks some of her wet hair behind her ear. 

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Ben nods, unmoving. He’s staring at her, lips parted, and Rey can’t figure out why they haven’t parted ways already but she knows that there’s this thing in the pit of her stomach that needs _something _to happen.__

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When he walks toward her a few steps, she can feel her heart racing. If she wanted to, she could cup the back of his neck with her hand. Faintly, she wonders what the hell is going on with her. Why should she want to cup the back of his fucking neck? 

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But when he’s up close like this, she can’t help but study the moles on his face and the way his hair curls where the end rests against his neck or the way his brandy colored eyes darken in low light. The fact that Ben is _beautiful _hits her all at once.__

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He’s looking at her with an expression she can’t place. She knows she needs to say or do something, but before she can move he gently brushes some of the rain gathered on her cheek with one thumb, cupping the left side of her face in his palm like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever held. Rey closes her eyes involuntarily, and is embarrassed by the shaky breath that comes out of her mouth. 

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“Goodnight, Rey,” he says softly. Before she can respond, he leaves, taking the stairs down from her apartment building two at a time. Rey stands there for a few minutes, her keys clenched in her hand, listening to the rain.

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	9. Chapter 9

After trying to distract herself with casework, Rey tossed and turned in her sheets, disturbing the little orange cat that was curled up on her bedding. Her cheek still burned where Ben had touched it. She felt uncomfortably like she wasn’t in charge of her own emotions, drowning in longing for something she couldn’t identify. She was comfortable under the tide, safe, and she was afraid of getting pulled out of the water.

More than anything else, she felt profoundly lonely. 

Ben agreed to meet her at her Muay Thai gym the next day. She had spent the entire day doing casework for the Snoke investigation at her computer, and so by the time she had parked her car she was itching to move. She had specifically chosen a time that she knew Marcus would be out, but did a scan of the space anyways, prepared to mitigate disaster lest he be there.  
He wasn’t, and her eyes find Ben. He looks entirely too comfortable within the gym space, dressed head to toe in black, spectre like. He always looks out of place surrounded by people within the office - like he wants to bolt to the nearest exit. Here, he looks relaxed, lilting between equipment and different combat rings with practiced grace. 

“Have you been here before?” She asks by way of greeting, approaching him as he bends over one of the benches near the wall. 

He shakes his head, ruffling through the duffle bag that he brought. 

His hair falls into his eyes, and he absentmindedly pulls at it when he looks up to greet her. “What do you usually do for warm ups?”

She tilts her head toward the exit, where the outdoor track is located, gesturing for him to follow. They walk into the sunlight together, bracing for the cold. Rey wills her legs into a run as soon as her feet hit the reddish pavement, and Ben jogs beside her without complaint, keeping her gait as the chilled air starts to burn her throat. Eventually, they alternate series of sprinting and returning to a jog, passing each other every other minute or so like a human nutenscradle. By the time Rey declares that they’re good to go back inside, they’re both gasping and pink from the exertion and icy wind. 

Rey finds that the heat is nearly overwhelming in the gym after being accustomed to the chill outside. Ben seems to feel the same, and pulls his nondescript black t-shirt over his head. 

She firmly averts her eyes, focusing on wrapping her hands before she starts her shadow boxing routine. She can feel Ben watching her, curious. She hopes he’ll mistake the pink flush in her cheeks for the cold.

When she finally looks back at him, he holds the wraps she had brought him out to her. “I’m gonna need you to do these… it’s been a couple years,” he says sheepishly. 

She nods, silently taking the offered black wraps. He holds out his hands for her, and Rey struggles not to let her eyes linger on the jut of his collarbones or the pale slope of his skin over muscle. She realizes with dismay that his hands are not much better as she winds the wrappings around his wrists and knuckles, covering slightly raised veins and calluses she finds particularly captivating when she remembers them pressed against her cheek. 

She’s glad when they’re covered, and she notices her breath has quickened unevenly when she looks back up at him. 

And, _oh that was a mistake _. She had miscalculated how close they were standing, and she’s lost in the lines of a face she knows too well, full lips and amber eyes that are staring at her intently. Their breath is the only sound, ringing in the silence. She thinks that perhaps she stares too long before she pulls her gaze away, feeling warm. She takes the time to pull on her gloves as an opportunity to will her breath to return to its normal pace, taking steady inhales through her nose.__

____

When she turns back to where Ben had been standing, he’s gone, already moving towards the punching bag at the far end of the room. Rey starts her shadow boxing routine suspecting that whatever had passed between them in that moment had affected her more than him. 

____

She doesn’t know if she should feel grateful or disappointed. 

____

Instead of lingering on the thought, she throws her attention into the sharp bursts of muscle, energy releasing and restraining in lightning quick shifts. The movement calms her, makes her forget the uneasiness that she is starting to feel around Ben. She can _almost _ignore his form in the corner of her field of vision, raining strikes on the punching bag that swings back and forth. She’s never seen him fight, but if this was any indication, she will have her work cut out for her. He is out of practice, but she can tell that he has the muscle memory for hand to hand combat. Rey isn’t exactly _surprised _by how much force the heavy bag is taking, considering his bulk, but it’s daunting all the same.____

_______ _ _ _

When she wanders over to Ben and hands him shin guards for sparring, he takes them tentatively, strapping them on with a wary look in his eye. 

_______ _ _ _

“What do you want?” He asks, face inscrutable. His voice is hoarse and breathy from exertion. 

_______ _ _ _

She feels her stomach drop, heart rate rising. She knows what he means - _how do you want me to fight you? _\- but she feels like he’s giving voice to some part of her that she’s buried deep, dredging it up to the surface and causing the question to reverberate in her brain with consuming all-importance.__

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_What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? ___

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He must interpret the sheer panic on her face as uncertainty, and purses his lips at her in a way that is so distinctly _Ben _, thoughtfully reassuring. He moves towards the ring with the acknowledgement of her uncertainty. There’s an unspoken trust - _I’ll take care of you, I’ll know what you need. _____

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When she steps into the ring and he turns to face her, all cat-like, predatory grace and muscle, she feels perhaps _too _safe.__

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_Boy made of darkness, I know you too well._

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She makes the first move, lashing out with her right foot with calculated precision. He blocks her easily. At first, they fight with pregnant pauses as he waits for her to strike at him with dark eyes, patient. Then they find a rhythm, Rey initiates each step, Ben blocks, Ben counterstrikes. His movements are predictable, practiced, and Rey knows this is intentional. He’s driving her, forcing her into offense, pushing her higher until she’s gasping in air as she struggles to stay ahead of him.

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He strikes only with his arms, but the rest of his body is fully involved in their dance around the ring, pushing into each other and conceding ground systematically, like clockwork. Soon, she’s in a trance, the center of her world is Ben’s body, and she responds to it instinctually.

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It’s in this space that something inside her shifts - and the realization makes her gasp. Ben has calculated their movements so that her back is pressed up against the back of the ring, cool and grounding, but she feels like the ground has been pulled from underneath her feet. They’re both breathing heavily, intermingling, nearly pressed together. 

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_Ben, what are you doing to me? _She feels desperate, so safe before, and now so powerless to the realization in front of her. Rey knows every line of his body, every slope of his nose and mouth, but she’s never _seen _him before. Like how shapes in the corner of her room shift into a nightmarish presence in the moonlight, deceiving her, now she sees the truth of him.____

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Maybe it’s not only him - she sees herself clearly, too. She can’t deceive herself any longer.

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She knows he hears her shakey inhale, pressed so close together, breath nearly intermingling. She’s now painfully aware of his presence - the meditative state of the fight now a permanent fixture of her consciousness. 

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He’s looking down at her quizzically, slightly alarmed. Tears burn in her eyes. 

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_She can’t deal with this. ___

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The safety she felt with him when she entered the ring is gone, shattered with the realization that destroyed all the protective walls that she had built within herself. 

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_No one can be close to her like this. No one should make her feel this strong. ___

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The tears are threatening to spill when she finally manages to speak, nearly gasping the words. 

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“I have to go. I’ll see you at work.” 

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And then she runs, Ben left silently in her wake.

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\--

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Ben forgave himself for his first aberration with Rey when she texted him with details about First Step attendees, quickly followed by a video of BB8 trying to make himself comfortable on her bed. He had breathed a sigh of relief, releasing the building anxiety that he had crossed some unspoken threshold in their relationship, jumping off the cliff and damning him to some eternal freefall. 

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When they had gone to her gym, he had silently cursed himself. He suspects some buried deep part of himself wants to him to suffer, constantly volunteering to the slow and exquisite torture of the sight of her skin and flushed face. When she had looked up at him with that desperate confusion in the ring, he had hoped that she had begun to feel whatever had possessed him since their first month together. 

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Until tears had welled in her eyes, and she had run from him. 

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He had tried to contain the self-hatred from brimming over the whole ride home, gripping the steering wheel with a desperation that made his bones ache. 

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He wants to hit something, but settles for a cold shower. He turns his and Rey’s interaction over and over in his mind, obsessed with unraveling whatever emotion had been in her eyes, what he had done to make her run.

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Until he sees the man at his door. 

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Snoke was there, waiting for him, and Ben has to resist the urge to either attack him or bolt, blood running cold. Snoke is wearing a full business suit, expensive and tailored, which only adds to his frigid presence, ghoulish pale face calculating. 

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“Ah, Benjamin,” he says, scanning his sweat slicked gym clothes and the duffle bag over his shoulder. His gaze makes Ben want to crawl out of his skin.

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He tries to school his features into careful blankness, unwilling to let Snoke realize how he’s getting to him. “What are you doing here?” He replies as cooly as he can, trying to match the quiet danger to Snoke’s demeanor despite the building, nearly irresistible violence building in his chest. 

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“I’ve come to discuss the open investigation against me.” He says it with surprise, like Ben should have expected as much.

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Ben struggles to retain his shock. He had known this was Snoke’s intention the moment he had seen him in his hallway, but he had not expected the man to openly declare it. Surely his lawyers would have warned him otherwise.

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“You must know I can’t discuss the details of the investigation with you.” Feeling slightly more brave he added, “Nor does the fact that you showed up at my apartment bode well for you.” He fumbles in his bag for his keys, hoping to end the conversation. 

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He feels like he’s drowning at his own door, the safety of his apartment the light and air above him. 

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“You would be wise to not speak of this.”

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Ben freezes. 

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“And to drop the investigation all together.”

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He stares at the gold numbered lettering on his entrance, resisting the urge to smash it in. He had half expected it would come to this, and the realization that he did absolutely nothing in way of damage control before hand is like a punch to the gut. Snoke knows his mother is likely helping him. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He knows Rey’s name.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

That realization is the only thing keeping him from arresting Snoke for interference in his hallway. Instead, he turns slowly back to face him. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’re threatening me?” He knows as much, but some masochistic part of him wants confirmation, needs the reality of it. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Snoke complies with relish, his ghastly, disfigured twisting with glee. “You, and everyone you love. I’m only giving you this warning because I consider you an _old friend _. Don’t disappoint me.”__

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It feels like a knife between his ribs, but the certainty of it is reassuring. At least he knows where the wound is. He lets out a pained breath, letting him eyes momentarily flutter closed. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It takes every bit of his fading willpower to walk away. He wants nothing more than to lash out — to hurt this man. Some logical part of Ben’s brain knows this would only make things worse. He gives Snoke the smallest of nods and then turns into his apartment with a choked gasp. The small movement feels so wrong, like he had cut off his own hand. He turns both of his locks behind him, shaken, fingers trembling slightly. He feels dazed, like he’s woken up from a nightmare. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Perhaps he had. Snoke was featured in them often enough. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He immediately moves for the shower. Part of him wants to retain some semblance of normalcy and act like the whole thing hadn’t happened. The other part wants to decontaminate any remnant of Snoke with as much pain and meticulousness as possible. Instead of the cold shower he originally planned, he turns the water all the way up. When he submerges himself it hurts like hell, but he feels slightly more alert. He shifts into planning mode, his agency scrambling to the surface under the layers of fear and uncertainty. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He wouldn’t put anyone in danger. He knows with a cold certainty that Snoke is not bluffing. A hired gun, a staged shootout - he has a nearly endless amount of options to ensure that he and Rey bleed out on the concrete. The idea made him feel freezing, despite the oppressive heat of the water. A hole is opening up in his chest, hopelessness and building anger. He is trapped between two impossible options: let Snoke go, or risk his threats. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He thinks of that boy, Sarah Shan’s son. And he thinks of Rey, light and goodness and justice personified. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

How could he help one without betraying the other?

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Droplets of water collect on the porcelain tiling in front of him, quiet and still despite his internal turmoil and the crushing heat of the water. He feels caged in his own body, helpless. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The day with Rey, Snoke, it all comes crashing down at once. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He pummels his fist against the tiles.

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The blood from his knuckles turn the water pink, and the pain is revelatory. 

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He remembers the slip of paper by his bedside, and Rey’s warning.

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Viola! 
> 
> So much angst.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been a while! I've been really busy with other writing projects for school, but some lovely comments got me going again. 
> 
> Recently - Ben and Rey had a tense moment at the gym where she realized the depth of her feelings for him. Ben went home to find Snoke there, who threatened him into dropping the case against him. Theres some murkiness around what Ben will do about this dilemma.

Rey has never been so desperate for a distraction. Her realization about Ben consumes every modicum of mental energy, powerless indecision making her feel like her breath is only pulling in half of the amount of oxygen. For her entire trip home, she turns the option of asking Luke for a new partner over and over in her mind. 

By the time she’s unlocked her apartment, she decides that’s rather rash - Ben certainly knows something is _off_ , but he can’t possibly know the extent. She can _pretend_ that her image of him hasn’t shifted irrevocably. 

How did this happen so quickly? How could she now see him in such a different light? And how was she supposed to face him after this?

Allowing him space in her life gives him license, gives him an opportunity, to hurt her.

Coming to terms with her parent’s rejection of her had cemented a weariness in her, a commitment to avoiding those relationships of crushing reliance and desperation to have your love reciprocated. She had started to let people in through the cracks, her friends and coworkers. She had thought she had been careful with Ben, letting him in but never enough to compromise the structures she had built.

But he had surprised her - they are too similar, too lonely. And now she felt raw, exposed to the elements, her walls dismantled. 

She settles for tinkering with an old rotary phone that she had picked up from an antique store - allowing her mind to fall into readjusting the tiny mechanisms and inserting new wires. An hour or two passes before she’s done - her neck hurts and she feels like shes been sitting too long but she longs for another task, something more intricate this time. 

She’d been putting it off for ages, but her emotional volatility gives her the motivation to start work on her car. Heading outside into the cold with her toolbox, draped in her high school robotics club sweatshirt, she looks forward to the mechanical abyss of her Volkswagen's underbelly. By the time twilight sets in, she’s accomplished more than she expected and no longer feels panic at the thought of Ben. 

That night, desperate to sleep, she imagines an ocean, waves crashing in tumultuous, rhythmic cadences on a craggy shoreline. One moment she stands above the turmoil, and the next she’s underwater, the waves pressing down on her in cool heavy sheets. She doesn’t fight it, sinking down below the currents until light doesn’t penetrate the water and she floats into dreamless sleep.

\--

Ben doesn’t come into work the next day. 

Usually, Rey finds these days ineffective and aimless - but today she thanks whatever higher power is responsible. 

She isn’t ready to face him yet. 

Finn and Poe banter with her from across the room whenever she gets up for coffee or lingers by their desks during lunch. Rey finds herself getting _significantly_ less work done than normal, but as time passes she feels more and more relaxed. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been pushing herself recently. Still, she manages to pull info for a couple more First Step graduates, and even talks to one man on the phone. After she mentions the reason for her call he pauses unnaturally until he replies that he’ll be able to talk to her that evening. She takes the lack of his flat out refusal as promising, and spends the rest of her day trying to track down phone numbers for the other attendees on her list.

She doesn’t think about Ben.

On her way out, the building’s receptionist hands her a package, nondescript cardboard that she takes for an Amazon package that she had accidentally delivered to the wrong address. Not until she gets to her car does she catch the familiar return scrawled in the top hand corner. 

She feels foreboding and confusion spread in equal measure across her chest, paralyzing and icy. The address is Ben’s, but the handwriting is distinctly _not_ , lacking none of the familiar graceful loops that Rey associates with his paperwork. She tears open the packaging with shaking hands.

It takes her a moment to register the shape of the object inside, so strange is it to see it divorced from a human body. 

But she immediately recognizes the crimson stains painting the sides. 

She drops the box with a muffled gasp. For a moment, she merely stares at the ground, eyes focused on the gravel rather than the box that has closed upon impact with the ground, hiding the horror of its contents from the carpark. She stays like this until her breathing steadies, and then she removes her phone from her pocket with stiff fingers.

When he answers, she’s surprised by the strength of relief that she feels at the familiar, grounding sound of his voice. She wills her voice not to shake. “Can you come here? I… got a package. I’m in the parking garage.” She thinks she sounds collected, but he must hear something in her voice from the way he pauses, as if restraining himself from asking further questions.

“Stay there. I’ll be there in ten.” His voice sounds taunt, wound tight and on the verge of a break.

It doesn’t take him that long - in fact, he’s there in seven minutes, which Rey suspects is from a complete disregard of traffic laws. He looks slightly wild eyed when he gets out of the driver’s seat, slamming his car door and immediately bounding over to Rey and pulling her away from the box like its explosive. If she weren’t so shaken, she would have found it funny.

“What is it?” His eyes don’t move from the parcel, his hand still wrapped around her upper arm. 

She stares at his face for a moment, trying to will herself out of the fog of shock that had descended during those long minutes where she had been alone with the innocent looking container strewn absentmindedly on the yellow parking lines. 

“It’s a foot,” she whispers.

At this, he finally looks over to her, searching her face for what she suspects is some shred of emerging emotion in her features. She feels stony, too calm. He scans the level of the garage for some amount of privacy, and settles for the other side of her car. He tugs her gently behind her bumper, settling her against her passenger door. 

Not until he lets go of her does she notice that his hand is carefully wrapped in medical bandages, and he’s avoiding closing it all the way. 

“What happened to your hand?” She hears herself ask, rather lamely. He spares a surprised glance down at it, eyebrows knitting in confusion before looking back up at her. 

“Nothing,” his voice is clipped, leaving no room for follow up. “Are you okay?” The clear concern in his voice is enough to make her throat tighten. 

Not trusting her ability to speak without breaking, she nods. Unfortunately, the delayed fear she should have felt is beginning to creep up on her. She desperately wants to lean into Ben and curl her fingers into his shirtfront.

His eyes search her face for a moment before he replies. “Were you expecting a package?” 

“No.” She finds her voice this time, but she wants to talk about his hand. She resents the fact that he’s not giving it to her - she needs the distraction.

He looks visibly confused. “Why’d you open it?” His voice holds none of the judgment that, perhaps, should be present. Getting an odd, unexpected package at work is something that immediately merits the presence of other law enforcement. 

“The return was your address,” she manages, voice rough. She doesn’t mention that she had recognized it wasn’t his handwriting. In truth, she was terrified that he’d mailed her his resignation and some long forgotten item of hers that has been taking up space in his apartment because of their moment at the gym, which had clouded most of her rational capacities. 

Ben looks like he’s about to pass out at this revelation, resignation settling on his features. 

“Why was it your address?” Her voice is a whisper now. 

He looks shuttered off from her, miles away. 

“I don’t know,” he replies simply. He doesn’t meet her eyes, his own locked on some point between her cheekbone and her car door. She opens her mouth to reply, to accuse him of lying to her, but he’s already pulling out his phone. The call only rings once before she hears Luke’s low voice on the other line. 

He offers nothing by way of greeting. “Bring forensics out to the parking garage.” 

He waits a moment as Luke replies, but when Rey can no longer hear Luke’s muffled tone through the phone, Ben abruptly hangs up, taking an exasperated breath through his nose.

Rey looks up at him expectantly. She still feels disoriented, but she’s finally starting to put pieces together. 

“Do you think this was Snoke?”

Ben still can’t look at her, and that's answer enough. His eyes are dark and unfocused, and she’s known him long enough to recognize the way his jaw is working as a sign of panic. 

Rey is starting to feel her own anxiety blooming in her chest, his silence only making the feeling worse. Her mind is spiraling, trying to come up with reasons why the package was sent to _her_ from _him_. This level of violence scares the shit out of her. 

“Ben, I—”

“I can’t do this case with you anymore, Rey.” The words come spilling out of his mouth involuntarily, the consonants nearly tripping over each other. 

She feels a cold weight settle in the pit of her stomach. It only lasts a moment before in blossoms into something hot and nagging.

Rage.

“Why?” Her voice is low, dangerous. 

Luke takes that moment to come barreling out the exit with two members of their forensic team who look thoroughly disoriented - no doubt called abruptly on the last minutes of their shift before returning to their homes. 

“What is it?” He asks, eyeing the bloodstains on the inside of the box. Luke either clearly does not notice the tension simmering between his nephew and his partner, or chooses to ignore it. 

Neither of them reply, letting the muffled exclamations and groans of the two team members do the work. One of the two women crouching at the side of Rey’s car retains a neutral face delivering the news to Luke, and the other can barely contain her look of disgust at the dismembered appendage. 

Luke retains his characteristic sense of calm, which clearly agitates his nephew. 

“Do you have any idea who did this?” Luke asks, pointedly addressing Rey.

“No.” Ben replies anyway, voice low with an unspoken threat to Rey, arms crossed.

Rey tries to compress the anger and rejection churning within her chest. His interference does nothing to help, and she feels her anger at him quickly mounting. She manages not to address him in anger, instead keeping her gaze trained on Luke.

“Snoke. He used Ben’s address as the return.”

Luke’s blue eyes momentarily flicker to his nephew, whose brooding is strengthening by the second, roiling in the air like a stormcloud.

“We don’t know that.” Ben replies, imbuing the statement with a certainty meant to brush Rey’s assessment to the side. His mouth is twisted with disapproval or anger, like he had tasted something bitter. Like Rey, he addresses it mostly to Luke.

Rey’s calm facade snaps, the waves of anger crashing out of whatever confinement she had managed.

“Yes, we do!” Her voice rises and she spins on Ben, who has gone stock still. “You think some fucking _junkie_ did this?! Snoke is the ONLY person who would have access to our addresses! He’s the _only_ person capable of doing something like this!”

She’s breathing heavily now, fists clenched at her sides. Ben is staring at her with reverent eyes, his plush lips slightly agape. It doesn’t last long. His expression quickly shifts to a closed off, unemotional certainty, resolution in every movement as he turns to Luke.

“Someone could have tailed us home. Could be someone who has been recently released.” 

Luke is still impassive.

Rey wants to punch them both.

She stands quiet, nails digging in to her palms.

Luke huffs. “I don’t want either of you spending the night at these addresses. We’ll put a surveillance team on them tonight to see if we can get any leads. Ben can stay with me - you’re welcome too Rey.”

Her anger softens at his concern, but still undoubtedly present, and she shakes her head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll stay with Finn and Rose for now.”

Ben is staring at the forensics team that is now finishing up, removing the grotesque evidence with latexed hands.

Luke excuses himself with a mumbled “keep me updated” at the straggling team members and at Rey and Ben, who are standing five feet apart in mutually ill-concealed tension. They stand in silence until the two women with Rey’s package have disappeared from the garage, and then Rey spins to face him.

“What did you mean.” She crosses her arms, staring daggers at him under furrowed brows. She can’t bring herself to repeat his words. 

He looks at her for a moment, eyes lost and roaming. He takes a deep breath and puckers his lips before replying.

“I can’t do this case with you anymore. I need to do it by myself.”

For a moment, his words create the exact feeling she had when opening the package minutes before. It passes quickly, her rage collapsing into a burning sense of rejection, volatile and pressurized. 

“You have _no_ right to ask that! I’m your _partner_! You can’t do everything alone, Ben!” She’s nearly jabbing her index finger into his chest, hands shaking. 

She’s truly yelling now, enunciating each word with the unstable anger welling up. “Why would you think you can make that decision for me?” The tension is ratcheting with each syllable until they reach a frenzy that breaks apart with Ben’s next words.

“ _Because I care about you!_ ”

He had been watching her blankly, but her question breaks the mask he had been wearing and the words seem to rush out of him almost unwittingly. 

It reminds Rey of the stars collapsing she had spent raptured minutes watching in astronomy classes - bright fury collapsing into something small and true and terrifying, sucking the air out from around her. The words feel like pain and a reprieve. 

They can’t mean what she wants them to. 

But it's more than she has ever had, a close approximation of what she now knows she wants from him. 

Tears well in her eyes and begin spilling down her cheeks as it becomes too much to bear, and she closes her eyes for a moment between shaky inhales. 

When she opens them, he’s watching her with an expression somewhere between heartbreak and pity. She can’t bear the look in his eyes, and so her gaze flickers down to his mouth. 

He takes a step towards her, now an arms reach away.

“That doesn’t give you the _right_.” Her voice is unsteady, the tears settling discreetly on her tongue, salty and sharp. 

“Rey, I can’t,” he says simply, desperately swallowing, gaze lingering on her face with a certain abject misery.

She doesn’t think she has the words to reply, but before she can begin to try and find them, he’s raising his hand and brushing the tears carefully from her cheek with his thumb and the flat of his palm. Her eyes flutter closed and her breath comes out in a quiet sigh. The events of yesterday come rushing back, and Rey can’t _breathe_. She can smell his shampoo, and everything in her is screaming to collapse into his body, to wrap herself up with the familiarity of him. 

At the same time, it only makes her more sad.

Her cell phone rings, shrill and demanding, and he flinches away from her like he was burned. Rey takes it out impassively, wiping away the remainder of her tears and checking the caller ID before passing it to Ben.

“Former First Step employee,” she explains blankly. “It's all yours.” 

And then she turns from him, quickly making her way back inside, waiting for him to continue without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rey :( Ben, you idiot. What do you think you're doing?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its been a minute!
> 
> CW: Description of physical violence and and threat of gun violence
> 
> A brief recap: Rey got a threat from Snoke and Ben told her he wants her off the case (since Snoke also went to him and threatened them both). Rey obviously feels very betrayed by this. Rey and Ben are investigating two different schools - the private school who Snoke provides funding for (basketball team) and the public school where Snoke has his First Steps program (an afterschool/summer program which funnels students into careers in his factory).

Ben silences Rey’s phone as soon as she disappears behind the wall that conceals the office entrance. He knows she will wait until he’s done talking to whatever First Step employee had been returning her call before accepting her phone back with quiet anger before finally heading home for the day. 

He can’t bring himself to feel remorse yet - just the steady sense of self-hatred that had flared at the tears spilling down her cheeks, mingled with the crushing relief that she was now safe. 

As safe as she can be. As long as he doesn’t fuck it up. 

And answering that call would _certainly_ fuck it up. 

Now that he has control of the case, he has to make sure no news would spread to Snoke that he is still investigating - and that means no more interviews. No more of a lot of things. If he isn’t lying to himself, the case will have to be below ground and without the support of his both his partner and his department. 

He tries to wait an appropriate amount of time before heading back inside, steadily inhaling the confined car fumes and cigarette smoke of the parking deck. Rey’s phone feels weighty in his palm, and he carefully copies over the numbers displayed on the “Missed Call” notification floating above BB8’s unamused stare into his notes app. He takes a few quiet moments before he jolts himself in the direction Rey left, feeling uncomfortably like he’s headed toward his own execution. 

The office itself is quiet, half of the lights shut off and desks abandoned for the day. Rey is occupying hers, staring at her computer and pretending to work, while Luke seems to have reinhabited his office. 

Her eyes are rimmed red and swelling slightly now, nose flushed at the tip. But her tears are gone. 

Ben doesn’t know if he should be relieved or terrified. He offers her her phone, and she takes it wordlessly. 

He clears his throat, suddenly more nervous. “Can you send me their contact info? Full name and address?”

Ben has always found Rey’s face distinctly expressive. No matter how hard she tries to hide anger or sadness, the telltale crinkle in the corner of her eyes and forehead or the microscopic twist of her mouth and nose gives her away. So when she responds, he can clearly understand her train of thought. Her eyebrows flip slightly in confusion and he can almost hear her ask him why he didn’t collect it himself before she shuts herself off in anger, trying to maintain her detachment. 

She passes him her legal pad, again, wordlessly. Her mouth puckers to the side, trying to conceal her anger.

He wants to tell her that he knows her too well for this, but the masquerade seems to be more for her own benefit than for his. 

He catches sight of her computer screen, his eyes drawn like a moth to the flame of the mechanical light within the dark office space. It has populated a list of names and dates, which he realizes are times of death. Looking for the member of the foot, then. The look of defiance on her face is all the answer he needs to confirm his unspoken question. “I thought you were going to let me take over,” he says, failing to keep his voice from sounding accusatory.

The look she gives him is mildly sadistic, like she has caught him in a cage and is preparing to deliver the death blow. “I thought you said this is unrelated?” She jabs, eyes ruthless and shining.

Ben can feel his jaw go slack. 

She closes out her computer window with a tepid smirk, and clips past him on her way out. 

Ben stands there for a moment, trying to reassure himself that he’s the real victor in their battle of wills. She may not find anything, and even so, it might not lead her to Snoke. She might just get an ID. 

He doesn’t bother to check in with Luke before he leaves, instead trudging back to his car and making sure Rey’s car has disappeared on his way out. 

His apartment is silent and dark when he finally returns home. He resents having to spend time at Luke’s, but his apartment _is_ entirely too small, and the tiling in his shower is split open - a jagged porcelain wound in the structure of his home. 

He’ll have to fix it, later. 

For now, he stuffs his clothing into the duffel bag hidden in the corner of his closet, wondering how long Luke will make him stay in his childhood bedroom. Before he leaves, he double checks that he has the slip of paper with the loosely scrawled address carefully tucked in his wallet. The slam of the door on his way out feels vaguely theatrical, some kind of omen, but the careful turn of his keys dispels whatever lingering superstition he felt. 

Driving to Luke’s home takes longer than Ben remembers. Reorienting himself to the street feels strange; everything familiar yet intangibly off. The greenery is overgrown in places, and lots he remembers for their shabbiness as a child now look prim, bikes perched on porches and urban farming flyers covering familiar graffiti. 

Ben unlocks the front door himself, collecting the spare key that Luke keeps in a false rock hidden inside one of the potted hydrangeas on his porch. He can’t tell if Luke is home, but Artoo comes bounding over to him the moment he steps inside - his long, shaggy, white and blue-grey fur shedding liberally.

He doesn’t bother to look for Luke, instead heading straight for his room after Artoo was fully satiated by his attention and sufficiently divested of hair. The room hadn’t changed much since Ben had moved out for college. His original bedding was still thrown over the queen that he slept diagonally on, and his desk still sported the calligraphy set that his mother had given him on his fourteenth birthday after a rather unfortunate obsession with medieval scripts. But Luke had still packed up most of his other belongings and carefully stacked them in storage containers in the corner, packed between his desk and his closet. 

Ben doesn’t bother unpacking his clothes, instead throwing his duffel bag on the foot of his bed and pulling out his phone. 

His call to Rey only rings once before it is cut off with a beep, which makes him grunt with exasperation. 

His second call to Finn rings three times before he picks up, his voice slightly muffled with either anger or nerves.

“Solo?” 

“Is Rey there?” 

It is silent over the line for a moment. “Why, do you need to talk to her?” 

Ben can almost picture her in front of Finn, shaking her head at him indignantly. It’s far superior to the images that had been filling his mind up until that point, which he was now trying to dispel with his safety-check. 

“No. I’m just making sure she’s there,” he managed as cavalierly as he could.

Ben can hear the breath of Finn’s relief, and his voice relaxing infinitesimally, while remaining standoffish. “Yeah, she is. Her phone is probably… off or something.”

Ben allows himself an incredulous snort before resuming the facade, but Finn had already ended the call. 

—

Artoo wakes him before the sun rose the next morning, and the strange environment and mounting pressure to do something made it impossible for him to fall back asleep. Instead, he wandered around Luke’s living room aimlessly with coffee before deciding it was safe for him to leave. 

Not to work. He feels like he can’t call it that. 

Despite having been there before, he doesn’t recognize the roads that he had taken in Rey’s car some days earlier. Maybe with her the world felt different, or maybe it was the change in lighting and starting point. 

After shoving Rey into the neat corner of his mind reserved for her, carefully labeled _do not touch_ , he approaches the red-painted house that is devoid of the familiar Ford he had tailed from the school.

Definitely at work, then.

Getting inside the house is hard; he was trained to get inside homes through brute force that left clear signs of forced entry. He carefully pries open a side window, gently removing the screen before pressing his hands parallel on the sill and vaulting himself through, careful to avoid stressing his injury. 

He has lifted himself into the kitchen, which is dark and smells faintly like burnt coffee. 

The creeping wrongness of being in a house not his own takes over. He pushes through the discomfort, moving quietly from room to room. When he finds O’Molloy’s office, he begins to sort through papers with a manic energy that blossoms with each passing fruitless scan of random receipts, loose change, and meaningless old paperwork. Abandoning his search of the desk surface, he uncovers random wires from the desk drawers, along with a thank you note from someone he recognizes as one of his mother’s political rivals. The curling script is innocuous enough - it mentions Snoke by name, but only to commend the “ _team_ ” for their “ _wonderful representation of Pleasant Hill Private School_ ”. 

He gives up after he establishes that the only thing apparent from the scattered junk is that O’Molloy spends too much money on cheap beer. He searches the rest of the apartment - carefully putting moved objects back where he found them, meticulous in his determination to not leave any sign he was there. 

When he slides back out of the apartment, he feels like he’s drawing in water for air. Everything feels like its unraveling, and he’s struggling to hold onto the thread of the case without the rest of his life falling apart around him. He can’t find a lead, and after yesterday, the case is overwhelmingly personal.

In his car, he takes a steady breath. He thinks he knows what he has to do. He just doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it.

He calls Rey, and this time, thank _fuck_ , she answers.

He hears nothing on her side of the line besides the click that indicates she accepted the call. He waits awkwardly before a bewildered “Rey?” leaves his lips.

“What do you want.” Her temper is barely concealed.

He checks the time on his car’s dashboard. “You’re at the office?” Even to his own ears, he sounds anxious. 

“Yes.”

“You’re not leaving?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t leave without telling me,” he says, voice slightly more even. 

He’s met with deafening silence for a few moments. 

“I know how to handle myself, and you know that.” Her voice is hard, firm. “Finn and Poe are here.” She offers it as consolation.

He nods to himself for a moment before realizing she can’t see him. “Alright,” he begins softly. “Alright.” More certain now. “Just be careful.”

She doesn’t say anything in response, and the line goes quiet again, the silence stretching into a static buzz before she finally replies.

“I’m going to stay at Luke’s tonight.”

The call is silent for a few more seconds before Ben recovers from the mixture of relief that he’ll be able to see her regularly and the panic that she’ll be seeing _him_ regularly. It adds a whole extra complication to his plans.

“Okay, no problem. You can use the guest room, I’ll move my stuff.”

She makes a quiet noise of agreement before she hangs up the line, and Ben rolls his head back onto his seat. 

He starts the car a moment later, feeling incrementally more in control, and when he reaches Luke’s he is able to focus on the budding plan in his mind. Once he had accepted what he has to do, everything else falls into place too easily. The hard part was over; he had passed that moral bridge and now he could walk on that new plateau he had led himself to. 

He transfers all of his clothes from his old room to the living room couch almost meditatively. He once would’ve been heady with the knowledge that Rey was going to spend the night in his bed, but the stress of the case and the knowledge of what he is about to do chips away at whatever satisfaction he once would’ve had. 

He grabs the backpack gathering dust in his closet, and thanks whatever higher power there is that he had brought his gun. 

The sun is setting when he pulls up to the house. The light that morning had cast the yard in full brightness, dampening the color of the paint into sepia tones. Now the sunset lights the house from the back, blinding Ben as he gains treadway across the yard. He previously made more of an effort to hide from whoever might be in the house - now he doesn’t bother - merely shielding himself from the street by making his approach behind the Ford now sitting in the driveway. He vaults the gate to get to the backdoor, which he knows from this morning is considerably more delicate than the front.

He’s eerily calm as he withdraws his gun, none of the nervous energy present that is usually his dutiful companion when he does any of this for work. 

Maybe because Rey isn’t there. Or maybe that he’s spent too long trying to decide if he has to cross this rubicon. He’s tired of feeling helpless - tired of thinking about kids abandoned by so many adults in their lives - tired of feeling like he can’t do anything. 

The door goes down easily, his foot managing the most efficient work he had done in days. The hinges screaming open is deafening - O’Molloy had decidedly been given notice of Ben’s arrival by the noise, and so he bursts through the house as efficiently as possible. Knowing the layout gives him an advantage - he only gives cursory glances to the kitchen and the living room before he makes it to the bedroom. 

O’Molloy is midway through his window when Ben flings the door open, gun withdrawn. He doesn’t waste a second scrambling across the bedroom to grab O’Molloy and bodily fling him back into the room by his shirt. His head makes a loud thud as it makes contact with his wooden bedpost, and O’Molloy grasps at it, cursing loudly as Ben slides the window closed, gun still aimed at the man now laying propped against the bed on the floor. 

Ben crouches down to his level, taking a fistfull of O’Molloy’s hair and pulling his head up from his hands. Recognition flickers on his face, along with what Ben identifies as relief. 

“Not expecting me?” Ben asks, voice sounding decidedly cool despite his racing heartbeat. When O’Molloy doesn’t answer, he purses his lips and considers the lingering relief on O’Molloy’s face before continuing. “No… expecting Snoke’s men, then.” He lifts his gun up to O’Molloy’s cheek. “I assure you, you should be more afraid of me than of them.” 

He looks unconvinced, and Ben gives a hard swing to the corner of O’Molloy’s nose, putting as much force into it as possible, hoping to avoid future effort. O’Molloy’s nose makes a sickening crunch, but for a moment Ben has trouble disconnecting the sound from the blinding pain in his own hand, still injured from punching his shower tiles. They both hiss in pain, the lower half of O’Molloy’s face starting to run slick with blood. 

It does what he had hoped - the man stooped below him looks considerably more fearful, although a flicker of reticence remains. 

He spits out some of the blood flowing heavily from his nose now onto the carpet, a crimson curtain on the lower half of the man’s face. “You’re a fucking fed. The other guys don’t have to follow rules, asshat.” The words seem confident enough, but O’Molloy carefully doesn’t make eye contact, instead settling for somewhere near Ben’s chin. 

Ben snorts. “You really think I would be here right now doing _this_ if I didn’t have free license to do whatever I want?” The lie slips out easily, and his tone drops dangerously at the irritating realization that this man is not nearly quick enough to be heavily involved with Snoke. He pushes the barrel of the gun harder into his cheek. “If you tell anyone I was here - Snoke, his men, the police - _anyone_ \- trust that you’ll be dead within the hour.” 

Ben can see when O’Molloy resigns himself. Some part of the man loosens, and his hands start to tremble.

He doesn’t waste a moment. “Tell me everything you know about Snoke.”

O’Molloy’s eyes finally meet Ben’s, but flicker away quickly. Ben recognizes the fear in them. “I - I know he’s...” He spits more blood out. “I know he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. And I’m not surprised whoever you work for is after him. I just don’t know what he does.” 

Ben struggles to not pummel his face again. 

He must see that spark of rage, and he quickly hastens to add “I promise! Listen, he pays me monthly. I think he’s only involved with the private school for political reasons. He only told me that he wants me to attend fundraisers, speak to politicians, that’s it!”

“He’s never alone with the kids on the team?” 

O’Molloy rests his head against the post, and Ben stands, still holding the gun aloft. “No,” he shakes his head, but doesn’t look surprised by the question. “No.” 

He takes a deep breath, and he looks up at Ben hesitantly. “I think he… saves that. For his program.” 

Ben’s stomach turns. So O'Molloy had his suspicions, just like so many of the others. So many people complicit. Ben grips the gun harder. 

“First Steps.” It’s not a question, but O’Molloy still nods in response. “What politicians did you meet with?”

He shrugs. “Dozens. Mostly about tax cuts for private schools. Funding redistribution for education.” 

“Why,” Ben hisses, impatient. He’s tired of following the threads. The power he has over O’Molloy feels heady after so long of feeling useless, unable to help. He finally wants answers.

O’Molloy shifts up, as if he is trying to subtly move further away from the unspoken threat of Ben standing in front of him. “I don’t know.”

Ben remains silent, waiting. 

O’Molloy sighs. “I think it helps whatever he does with his program. The public schools start to struggle. They become more desperate. First Steps gets bigger.”

Ben allows his gun hand to fall, mirroring his head as he momentarily looks up at the ceiling. He only lets himself rest for a moment before he nods softly and tucks his gun in his back pocket. 

He lets himself drift towards the door, and O’Molloy scrambles to stand - relieved that Ben seems to be leaving. Ben turns on him again once he’s up. 

“Don’t say a thing. If the police ever come, if _I_ ever come, you’ll cooperate.”

O’Molloy nods emphatically, picking up on the low threat in his voice. Ben senses he’s about to object to something, maybe that Ben is leaving with O’Molloy’s door hanging on its hinges, but quickly thinks better of it. 

Like his entrance, he doesn’t bother trying to conceal his exit. He knows O’Molloy will follow his instructions, more likely out of guilt than fear.

He’s calm until he gets to the car. But when he goes to turn on the engine, his hands are shaking so badly that he has trouble slotting the key into the ignition. Despite his shaking, he _feels_ nothing particularly special - mostly exhaustion and irritation that he isn’t _done_. 

His injured hand is throbbing and he’s slightly concerned he broke it along with O’Molloy’s nose. Despite this, he doesn’t spare himself an angry jab at his steering wheel, hoping that will calm the shaking that is now starting to wrack his entire body as the delayed reaction to what he’s done sets in. 

\-- 

During breakfast, Rey realizes that Finn and Rose’s apartment is exactly what she needed. She had decided to stay with them on instinct, slightly panicked at the idea of staying under the same roof as Ben. Though Luke’s suggestion that she stay with someone else after the package felt initially patronizing, coming home to two of her best friends felt infinitely better than going home to unmade covers and empty space, and Finn and Rose’s light humming and shoulder bumping while they made her eggs was the type of homeliness that puts her at ease.

Rose’s Marxist memorabilia scattered around the apartment, including her “The Class Struggle is Real” poster, and Finn’s extended universe _Lord of the Rings_ novels makes her realize, fiercely, how much she loves these people who have always been there for her. Who have never pushed her away or made her feel unwanted. 

After eating, Rose seems to sense her weaning edginess and quickly pounces while Finn finishes cleaning. Rose snuggles up next to Rey where she had collapsed back onto her bed (the couch), knowing that Rey would only open up during those rare moments where she wasn’t clinging to her invincibility. Finn quickly joins both of them, ever shadowing his girlfriend. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rose asks, softly. Between Ben’s insistence on making sure Rey was safe last night and the extent to which Rey made excuses to avoid his call, the pair knew something was wrong. 

And Rose’s gentleness, in how Rose and Finn were pressed against her, makes something inside Rey shift, and suddenly all she needs is to explain the situation to someone that isn’t trying to confuse her or mislead her with bullshit explanations and apologies. And the fact that they trust her enough to demonstrate their protectiveness by listening to how she felt instead of shutting her out makes her instinct to confide in them even greater. 

Suddenly, her anger toward Ben breaks like a wave, and she chokes back tears as she explains the package, and how he’d asked her to get off of the case. She carefully leaves out Ben’s excuse, the five words that had felt so empty of the meaning she would imbue if she ever said it back.

Finn and Rose mostly listen patiently, gasping and expressing concern when she mentioned she had to stay out of her apartment for safety. They raise their eyebrows and Rose scrunches her nose in frustration when Rey describes Ben’s insistence that she stay off the case, but otherwise let Rey finish without any interruptions.

After a few moments of silence, Rose finally speaks. 

“Assssssshole,” she hisses, drawing out the first syllable as if to measure her disgust. 

Finn snorts, trying to contain his laugh. He gives Rose a fond look tinged with a kind of respect that implies he knows she would throw punches at a man twice her size for her friend. But the look that takes over when he starts to speak is clouded, confused. “He’s definitely underestimating you if he thinks this is going to be safer if you’re off the case.”

He hesitates, exchanging a glance with Rose. Rey raises her eyebrows at him in askance. 

“I just think Ben… probably has other stuff he has to sort out.” He huffs. “Honestly, Rey, I don’t think he can underestimate you. You’ve worked together for so long and he knows-” he breaks off again. “I just think he’s probably not thinking at all.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. You know him better than us.” Again, he tries to hold back laughter. “But I’d hate to be the man that stood in your way of this case, Peanut.” 

Rose laughs and nods, and then looks back toward Rey. “So what’re you gonna do?” she asks. 

Rey thinks, eyes trained on the ceiling, and lets out a breath she doesn’t realize she’s holding. 

Other stuff. Right. Well she’s going to know what that is.

“I’m going to Luke’s.”

\--

Ben calls her at work a few hours later. Telling him that she was staying at Luke’s felt more like a triumph than she anticipated. Despite his previous insistence that he know where she was, he never shows up to the office. Rey even delays heading to Luke’s, caught between hoping to see him and hoping to avoid seeing him, staying long after hours to follow up on missing persons reports and active murder investigations. She has a list of about two-hundred possibilities by the time everyone has left and she resigns herself to her evening.

She had been to Luke’s only once, for a department party in which she had been mostly confined to the kitchen by a beleaguered Ben who was hoarding off requests from Poe to go through the various family photo albums that sat on the living room shelves. Now she can appreciate the space in full, homey and brightly lit with wide uncovered windows and slightly worn with fraying carpets and sofas. Ben’s duffel bag sits untouched at the corner of one, all black and entirely too spotless considering the layer of dog hair on every other surface. The shaggy culprit greets Rey enthusiastically when he sees her, bouncing between her and Luke as he picks up Rey’s bag so she can grip BB8s carrier. The cat seems to eye Artoo suspiciously, wholly unintimidated but not quite disinterested. 

Upon walking into Ben’s childhood bedroom, she is overwhelmed by a combination of awkwardness - an overwhelming feeling that she’s invading his space - and curiosity at the chance to learn something new about the man she thought she knew better than herself. His room is half packed away, mostly devoid of decoration and excess, but a few small items are still clearly visible. A birthday card is propped on the corner of his desk, along with, to her amusement, what looks like an antique calligraphy set. 

That distinctive handwriting makes more sense now, at least. 

But after a moment, her throat threatens to close up. The sports trophies that were so carefully hung on the wall, and the bedroom that was no doubt meticulously decorated makes her nostalgic for a childhood she never had. 

Luke doesn’t seem to notice Rey’s brief moment of emotion - quickly brushing Artoo out of the room and letting BB8 free from his cat carrier. The orange and white tabby emerges with reluctant meows before delicately exploring the space. He warms up quickly, and Rey suspects it has something to do with his familiarity with the room’s former occupant. 

Despite Ben’s looming shadow over the space, he’s nowhere to be found. 

“Is he home?” Rey asks, unable to keep herself from questioning Luke. 

He shrugs, unconcerned. “He’ll show up here eventually. I learned to stop trying to keep up with him when he was a teenager.”

Her brow furrows. She would’ve given anything for her foster parents to care about when she got home, to care about where she was going. But she’s learned enough to know that this particular dynamic was typical for teenagers. 

Facing everything that Ben had and that she did not overwhelms whatever lingering curiosity she felt, and she’s suddenly very eager to get out of the room. 

She opts for the living room, where she leads Luke with a series of questions about his projects (he’s thinking of starting a self-sustaining farm in his yard, a return to his roots). She delays for about an hour until she gives up on seeing Ben for the night. She briefly considers sleeping on the couch to avoid any emotional unpleasantness from having to sleep amongst the mementos of his loving childhood, but is quickly dissuaded by the growing pain in her neck from Finn and Rose’s couch and the long day at work. 

Bleary eyed and emotionally hung over, Rey fails to notice the telltale sounds of the shower running as she pulls out the contents of her suitcase and slips into whatever worn pyjamas she had managed to grab while still shaken from Snoke’s threat. Her back is turned when she hears the adjoining bathroom door swing open. The startled cry she makes quickly turns into a breathless, dying exhale as she spins and realizes that she hasn’t been interrupted by an intruder, but rather a disheveled and dripping Ben Solo. 

His dark hair is soaked and spilling ribbons onto the pale expanse of skin and muscle of his shoulders and chest. It’s the most of him Rey has ever seen, and she’s suddenly very aware of how much larger he is than her, and how gentle he is despite the quiet threat of the sloping tone to his arms. 

Ben looks decidedly unbothered by her wandering eyes and exposure, and merely peers down at her cooly. 

“Where were you?” Her voice sounds breathy, and she’s sure he notices. 

“Working.” He doesn’t break his gaze. 

His injured hand is unwrapped, swollen and purple. A hiss escapes her teeth at the sight of the sickening bruises, and she almost reaches to inspect it before the familiar feeling of intrusion takes over. He had told her she could stay in his room, but his nakedness and the intimacy of his childhood mementos scattering the surfaces of his furniture makes her feel as if she is imposing herself. She backs towards the bed, closer to the door, as if gearing up for escape. 

“Your hand…” She murmurs in an effort to distract from the awkwardness. She fixes her eyes on the motley purples, the only safe way to look at him like this. His face is too open, and she thinks she catches a flickering instability in the set of his mouth and searching gaze. 

She knows that he can sense her discomfort, and he leans into it, carefully walking towards her as if to test how far he can go before he makes her snap. 

He lifts his hand up for her inspection, face softening. He turns sweet and molten in an instant, previously all stoney coolness. She takes it, and she turns his palm over gently. She feels like she could break him this way, delicate and supplicative. His face is turned down, mouth slightly pouty, focused where she’s holding his palm preciously. 

“What’d you do?” She whispers, looking up at him. They’re close enough that she can nearly feel the coolness of his skin, still slightly damp and clean. 

He still stares at their hands, fascinated, as if the cradle she’s formed for him is some profound discovery. His brows crease together. “I…” 

He doesn’t finish, but looks up at her and meets her gaze as if looking for an answer. He looks so lost, desperate for something from her, and the sense of recognition that Rey feels is overwhelming. 

He’s the only person with which she never feels alone. A reflection. 

She brings her lips to his stubbornly, fingers tangling in his inky hair, still silky and slick, to tug him down to her. His mouth is pliant and soft at first, and he bends himself down to her, hands floating around her face and torso as if he’s expecting her to break away from him. 

And then something snaps, as if he’s become lucid, waking from a haze. Suddenly he’s everywhere - hands cradling her face, pulling her to him as if to subsume her. Her lips open in a gasp, and he presses the advantage of it, his mouth turning fierce and searching, breath mingling. They’re desperately tangled together now, bodies reaching and pulling, and for a moment Rey deliriously wishes they could swallow each other - a reflection of two merging into one, no longer alone. 

Her back presses into a wall, and Ben hovers over her, his kiss still frenzied and rich. Her senses feel thick, like she’s floating; simultaneously heightened and dampened - time stretching and blurring. Ben’s mouth travels from hers to her neck, lingering and sucking delightful kisses into her skin. He seems almost unaware of what he is doing again, his movements are dreamlike, as if he’s done this a thousand times. 

The moan that escapes her when his tongue makes contact with the delicate skin of her neck startles him, and he pulls away with a gasp. It feels like she’s been suddenly pulled from the water after she had been comfortably drowning, and the return to reality is cold and abrupt. 

Ben is looking at her like his heart is breaking. His mouth is swollen and red, but his eyes are hard again. Cold and… scared. 

And she feels it too, a twisted reflection now, her terror rising up in equal measure. 

“Ben?”

Their breaths are loud in the silence, still both at a loss of air from their kiss. 

“The private school is so he can cozy up to politicians who will redistribute funds away from public schools so they’ll be more vulnerable.” He holds up his swollen hand, a confession. “O’Molloy didn’t know anything else.”

The implication sits heavy between them. It fills the silence, full and thick, until Rey can speak again. 

“What did you do?” The words are hissed, an exclamation of disbelief. He’s confessing to her. She can feel the guilt in his voice, and his desperation for her mercy.

Ben falls onto his bed in resignation, almost to his knees. He doesn’t reply, and she steps closer. 

Once she’s within reach, he leans his forehead to gently rest against her stomach, beseeching, his breath warm against her shirt. 

“Snoke made it clear I couldn’t involve you. I couldn’t go through official routes. It was the only way.” The words are whispered against her body, his head carefully bowed. The confession is offered, and he quietly waits for her absolution. 

Absolution she can’t give. 

“Ben, you can’t do this. You have to stop.” 

He pulls away from her slowly, but his eyes don’t travel up to meet her face. He merely stares at the point on her body on which his forehead had been resting. “I can’t,” he whispers. 

Rey doesn’t know how old she was when her parents left her. Sometimes, she likes to believe that she was only a few days old - that her parents didn’t really know her. It makes the pain more tolerable, a tragedy of their circumstances rather than a rejection. But Ben knows her. He knows her more than anyone, and so she can not deny the pain of it this time. He’s choosing to pull away from her. To go down a path she can’t follow.

“Please don’t do this.” It comes out hoarsely, tears streaming down her face. 

His face is walled up, closed off from her now when it had been so vulnerable and beseeching. He nods softly to himself, almost as if in acceptance. Acceptance and resignation of some hard truth.

He kisses her on the forehead, softly, and then he leaves.


End file.
